Call Me Crazy

So you know how Gracie gave us that paper to write to answer the question "What is the power of Christ in you?"...well, she also wanted us to post it on our blogs...so here's it is! :)

“No guilt in life or fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me.” Some of us are pretty familiar with how that song goes, and it’s a beautiful song. The words really do capture the essence of God’s power within us, but to answer the question “What is the power of Christ in me?” I can’t merely quote those lyrics. Though the words hold true to those of us who have accepted Christ, I believe each of us has a unique experience of Christ in our lives. That being said, I’ve had to put some serious thought into this. How then has His power been manifested through my experience of Christ in my life?     

As I reflect on the different challenges I have faced in my life, I begin to realize that those are the very moments when God’s power was most evident. When we come face to face with our weaknesses, the only way out is through trusting in God’s grace and power. If I were to solely depend on my own abilities, there’s no way I would be able to conquer my weaknesses and overcome those challenges. But as human as we are, that’s usually our first instinct. We think we’ve got it all together, and giving up control is usually out of the question. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve failed at something because I tried to do it on my own. For future reference, that’s not a good idea. On the other hand, I can tell you that learning to trust God with your imperfections is one of the best things you could ever do.

So what do my imperfections have to do with the power of Christ in me? Well, if you think about it, if we were all perfect, what would we need Jesus for? That’s the thing. With all my flaws and weaknesses, I am nothing…I can do nothing, but it’s through God’s power in me that I can do things far beyond my own capabilities. Choosing to love and forgive someone regardless of how many times they have hurt me; having the patience to deal with difficult people; transforming feelings of bitterness and resentment to compassion; continuing to give even when I feel like I don’t have much; going the extra mile for a friend that’s in need; being able to take a leap of faith in the midst of uncertainty; walking out into a village in a foreign country to gather information from a number of families without a translator; finding the courage to share my testimony with people I hardly know…Let’s face it, to an average human being, doing any of that seems absolutely ridiculous, crazy even! Human nature would say, “Who in their right mind would still choose to love someone who has hurt them not just once, but again and again?” But you know what? This is the power of Christ in me. So call me crazy if you want, because that’s exactly what I am, crazy…crazy in love with a God who still chooses to love me despite all my imperfections. 

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly more than we can ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us.” -Eph. 3:20

Just As You Are

July 29

Hello Sunday! And what a beautiful morning it was indeed. I woke up to the sound of rain gently falling on the metal roof. That’s one of the most comforting sounds ever! Reminds me a lot of home, especially during the rainy season. Jen and Victoria were still asleep so I went ahead and took my warm shower. When you’ve been taking cold bucket baths for the past 5 weeks, you can imagine how good a warm shower feels. Not that I’m complaining about the bucket baths. I grew up with stuff like that, so it’s no biggie. You do come to realize though how much running water and access to water heaters are things often taken for granted, among many other things. When your lifestyle changes from a very materialistic society to a very simple way of life, you really do learn to appreciate the simplest of things, even things like being able to see myself in the mirror every day. Here at the mission, we interns do not have a mirror in our room, nor are there any in the bathrooms. So unless I were to go into one of the girls’ rooms, I hardly get to see how I look at the beginning of the day or any time of the day for that matter. But you know what? That’s been very liberating for me. I love how I haven’t had to worry about how I look or making sure I meet other people’s approval by the way I dress. I can just be comfortable. Being here at the mission has taught me a lot about what it means to come before the Lord, just as you are. And it’s amazing how something as simple as a mirror, of that lack thereof, can remind you of that.

We had another tasty meal for breakfast. Evelin’s parents are awesome! We’ve been so blessed by their hospitality and warmth. They take such good care of us when we are here, and the same is true for her tia’s and tio’s. They’ve all been so warm and welcoming. And I could say the same about the people at her church. I would say, it’s pretty much the culture, which I love!

Today was a pretty special day of celebration at church. After the service they had 19 baptisms! 19!! It was beautiful seeing people give their life to Jesus one after another. There must have been one heck of a party in Heaven! Haha! The whole church then shared a meal together, which once again was quite satisfying. It was funny though ‘cuz Evelin went up to her dad and said, “Dad, what’s Jennifer going to eat? She can’t eat meat.” And her dad was like, “it’s ok, there’s chicken.” And she says, “but dad, she doesn’t eat meat.” Again he says, “that’s ok, there’s chicken.” “Dad, chicken is meat.” Hahaha! I guess some people have different opinions on what is considered meant and what isn’t. But no worries, there was lots of rice, beans, and tortillas for her to eat.

Once we were all through we headed back to the house and rested for a little bit. Jen and I chilled on the hammocks on their front porch. Evelin’s friends Andrea and her brother came over after a little while and we all went out on a hike. Not too far from Evelin’s house is a river and some waterfalls. So we were climbing up and down rocks. It was a lot of fun and boy did I work up a sweat! It was probably the most physical activity I’ve done since I have been here. And of course, the beauty of this place is still so captivating. That’s something I’ll definitely miss when I go back.

When we got back to the house we rested a little bit, had dinner, and hit the road once more. Bye bye Teguc…and now I am back in my bed. We made it back safely to Talanga and things seemed very calm and peaceful when we arrived.

And so tomorrow, week 6 begins!

In Teguc Once More

July 28

Another week gone by and this one marks week number 5! Gracie reminded us this morning that we only have two weeks left. I actually still have 3, but I might end up leaving the same time Evelin and Jen do.

Evelin went food shopping with Miriam this morning while Jen and I took over the kitchen. It’s funny ‘cuz both of us are kind of OCD, so we’re pretty particular about how we like things done. But you can imagine how that worked to our advantage. We got things done and we hardly made a mess. Fried chicken, rice, beans, cucumber salad and a green bean casserole! We were quite proud of ourselves. Haha! I’m glad the girls were in class while we were cooking, otherwise things would have gotten a little messy.

After Evelin got back, she had class with the girls while Jen and I did our own thing and helped watch over the babies. We get to spend the weekend in Teguc again. Evelin’s parents came to pick us up. Our friend from ACU, Victoria Tyson was with them. They had just picked her up from the airport this morning. She’s been doing her internship with Mission Lazarus in Choluteca. From her stories, it sounds like she had a pretty awesome experience. It was nice seeing a familiar face.

When we got to Evelin’s house we just took it easy and got settled in. Dinner was really good! We had the typical eggs, corn tortillas, cheese, beans, platanos, avocado, but this time there was chicharon! It was a lot like Filipino crispy pata though, but it was soooo good! We also had a really good cake for dessert. Yesterday was Evelin’s parents’ anniversary, so they had the cake to celebrate. I was comfortably full and we really enjoyed talking to her parents.

Once we were through with dinner we were just about ready to call it a night. I’m glad Gracie let us come to Teguc with Evelin again and I’m looking forward to my warm shower in the morning!

Another Day

July 27

Man, this week went by pretty quick. I can’t believe it’s already Friday again. We haven’t been doing that much this week, mostly just resting when we can and recuperating from everything with Karla. The lady, Belkin, and her four children left early this morning. She has family in a town called Yuro (doubt I spelled that right). So we put them on the bus and Gracie gave them some food and money. I’m not sure if we ever really got their story straightened out, we’re not even sure if Belkin is her real name, but like everyone else who leaves the mission, they are in God’s hands.

We’re pretty much back to our regular schedule as far as classes are concerned; though we do still have to be flexible with our schedule. Occasionally we will switch things around depending on what things need to get done. As for today, classes went as planned. Jen taught the healing class this morning and the girls had sign class in the afternoon with Beverly. After lunch, Jen and I took Ivannia and Ericka to get weighed at the clinic while Evelin took Lee to the bank to get come things taken care of.

I got to help make pupusas again for dinner. As always helping in the kitchen is a lot of fun. It helps me kind of unwind too. Some people think its work, but I call it a stress reliever. I got all hot and sweaty from being in the kitchen, so I decided to take a nice cold bath after dinner. After that, I was just about ready to be done for the day. Tomorrow is another day! Time to get some rest…So as the kiddos would say, “Night night!”

Back to Our Routine

July 26

The girls and I were pretty giggly this morning during mentor time with Gracie. She said she felt like she was the mom of teenage girls who just had a slumber party. I guess we were still kind of hyped up from our movie night and fun conversations last night. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

After mentor time, Jen went with Gracie to Talanga while I had English class with the girls. I was amazed at how much easier the girls were to handle with Karla not being there. I guess I had never really noticed that she was usually the one to start all the commotion. The girls were more compliant and well behaved and they didn’t complain about anything. I’m really hopeful that they will be able to start making progress.

When class was through, I went ahead and started on making sandwiches for the high school class. Once they were ready, Evelin and I headed out. Jen stayed behind because she wasn’t feeling too well.

Class with the high schoolers was good. They were still a little rowdy, but that’s nothing new. Haha! Franklin was actually participations today and he didn’t cause any trouble this time. I’ve slowly been seeing little glimpses of improvement each week and I hope he continues to grow.

The rest of the day was pretty laid back. We played with the kiddos here and there. We were going to go out to distribute more food, but Jen still wasn’t feeling well so we decided to postpone that for another day.

Another day gone by, but things have gotten a lot better.

A Change in the Atmosphere

July 25

     It’s amazing how the atmosphere here had drastically changed since Karla is no longer around. The girls and the staff seem to be very relieved and we are already seeing an improvement in their overall demeanor. I spent my morning making paper chains out of construction paper for our activity with the girls later in the afternoon. Jen and Evelin went with Gracie to do the radio show. Jen shared her testimony to a quarter of a million people, but she did very well. As soon as they got back, they had their lunch and it was time to begin our special activity.

     Basically what we did was each of us chained up ourselves with the paper chains. We went around the room beginning with Gracie, and each person shared their testimony. After each testimony, the person would rip off their chains and tear them apart to symbolize freedom from our past. The girls were all very hesitant at first, but Alicia was brave enough to be the first of the girls to share their story. Melissa followed, then Milagro, but she said very little and quickly rushed out of the room. Heydi was the one who had the most difficulty. She was already crying before she could even begin to speak. It was really hard for her, but she did it! We were so proud of her. The mere fact that they were all able to share their stories was a big step for all of them. We interns were not spared from this of course, we too shared our testimonies and that was part of the point of the whole activity. We are all broken people and we’ve all been through some kind of trial in our lives. We wanted the girls to know that they are not alone in their suffering and they can be liberated from their chains.

     After we had all shared our testimonies, Gracie then asked Mercedes to share the story of the prodigal son with the girls. Then we were each given a ring to symbolize that we are daughters of the most high, precious and dearly loved by our Father. I think it really meant a lot to the girls, it was also a good bonding experience for all of us to share.

     Later that afternoon Gracie went to take a mother and her 4 children to go see the doctor. We picked them up at the posta in Talanga yesterday where they had been left by her husband. We’re still trying to figure out her story and what exactly happened but for the meantime; they are staying here for a few nights. When they got back from the doctor Gracie told us that several of them had bronchitis, the mother and one of her daughters were also sick with Malaria. They had not eaten for two days prior to when we picked them up, so if we had not taken them in when we did there’s a good chance that they might not have survived much longer. It was quite the wake up call, but we are glad that God brought them here so that we can minister to them.

     We had dinner with the girls and had a lot of fun joking around at the dinner table. After dinner, Jen, Evelin and I got to unwind by watching a couple of episodes from different shows in the school room. We decided to call it a night by 11:30 (which is probably the latest I’ve been up since I’ve been here….whaaaaaaaat??!! haha!), but we ended up talking for another 30 minutes. [Oh and just a little side note, there was a HUGE cockroach in the room that just about the size of a bar of soap! I’m not even kidding!] Once we got to the room, the talking continued, so it was probably about 12:30 by the time I finally got to sleep.

     Again, I’m just really thankful for the friendship I’ve been able to share with these girls (Jen & Evelin). I’m really glad I get to share this experience with them. I’ve been blessed by them in countless ways and they’ve been such an encouragement to me. Don’t know what I would do without them.

In God's Hands

July 24

     Today was a hard day. Gracie and Evelin took Karla to Teguc to go see the judge. It was hard because I couldn’t really tell her goodbye, at least not without her becoming suspicious of what was going on. Gracie had her convinced that she was just going for a psychiatric appointment, but in reality she wasn’t coming back. The last thing she said to me before they left was, “tell Alejandro you love him”. She had also given me a bracelet yesterday out of nowhere, by then I already knew that she was going to be leaving, so you can just imagine how that didn’t make it any easier for me to see her go. Sometimes you just wish you could reach a person’s heart and see them change in an instant, but life is not that simple. Sometimes you also wish you had the power to rid them of all their pain and suffering, but only God can do that. It was really hard for Gracie and Evelin to leave her behind, from what I heard. I guess I’m glad that I wasn’t there, because I probably would have broken down in tears. She was literally begging them to not leave her there, but she has to face the consequences of her actions.

     My heart is sad and it breaks when I see Alejandro and think about how much she is going to miss him. No doubt, this is the best place for him and Gracie did say she would take him to visit her every now and then, but I imagine being separated will be a lot harder on her than it will be for him. August 1^st is when we will know for sure if he gets to stay with her or if he stays here.

     One thing Gracie pointed out which was rather interesting but not so much of a surprise was that none of the girls or staff were sad or upset that Karla had left. It was as if they were in fact relieved that she was gone. Now that we don’t have to worry about her causing anymore trouble, maybe we can actually start moving forward with the other girls. I’m sad she is gone, but as I said the other day, she is in God’s hands and we just have to trust that He will somehow help her find her way out of the dark. Small seeds of light have been planted in her and I can’t wait to see the day when they bear fruit and her life becomes a testimony of God’s redeeming love…because of the hope we have in Christ, we do not expect the worst, but rather we hope and pray for the best, and exceedingly more.

     As for Alejandro, I’ll do exactly what Karla told me to do…I’ll tell him that I love him…and that she always will.

A comforting thought:

“Because our work is God’s work, and because He is ultimately responsible for the results, He gives us the freedom to leave it, to trust Him with it.”

-Doug Sherman and William Hendricks

A Really Tough Decision

July 23

     So we had a slight change of events this morning. Originally we were all going to be sharing our testimonies for the healing class, but Gracie decided to postpone that to Wednesday. She wasn’t prepared for it and she needed to take care of writing a report for the judge. During out mentor time she told us that she had decided that Karla needs to leave. It was a pretty emotional conversation. It was a really hard decision for Gracie to make because Karla is like a daughter to her. I’ve only known Karla for a month, but I could feel Gracie’s pain. We know that this is the best place for Karla, but she doesn’t seem to want to be here and she’s a threat to everyone else. The staffa are just about ready to quit, the other girls keep getting psychologically abused. Keeping her here just isn’t the best thing for everyone else. She’s had her chances, but Gracie has decided that this is the last straw. She has to go.

      We’re hoping that the judge lets us keep Alejandro. It will be heartbreaking having to separate him from his mother, but this is the best place for him. It’s going to be hard letting her go, but we’re just going to have to surrender her to God. We’ve done what we could and Gracie has tried so hard, but at this point, only God can change her. Personally, I wish we could give her one last chance, but that can’t be done without putting everyone else at risk. Karla really does have a sweet and kind heart deep inside of her and she’s a very strong woman. She’s been through so much, but unless she is willing to change and let God into her life, she’s not going to get very far. Experience might be her only teacher at this point, but I’m still hopeful that God will redeem her and free her from her chains. I don’t want her to have to go, but come tomorrow; she’s in God’s hands.

Sunday in the Capital

July 22

     I slept really well last night and we had an awesome breakfast this morning. Pineapple, watermelon, mango, avocado, beans, eggs, cheese and tortillas; I had more than enough to satisfy my fruit craving. Once we were all dressed and ready, we headed out to Evelin’s church. We sang a lot of familiar songs (in Spanish of course) and Evelin’s uncle gave the message. He talked about how fragile life is and how we should think about how we are really living our lives and if we are making an intentional effort to reach out to our own families. In some ways, being there reminded me a lot of our churches back in Cebu in the sense that relationships are more personal and it’s like a big family gathering.

     After church we went to Evelin’s uncle’s house for lunch. Again, the food was amazing! Her aunt is a really good cook. They were having a leaders’ lifegroup, I guess you could call it. So while her parents were doing that, Evelin took drove us up the mountain to one of the nature parks. Some of her friends came with us too. The mountains were gorgeous! I loved seeing all the trees….nothing like Abilene that’s for sure. Haha!

     After our little hike, we went back to her uncle’s house and hung around for a little while. Next thing I know we were back in the car on the way back to La Ermita. It was a good break, I can’t say it was enough to fully recharge, but it was worthwhile nonetheless. We had a great time and were very blessed and encouraged by Evelin’s friends and family. Gracie was glad to have us back and Diego was back in his mama’s (Evelin) arms. Evelin’s uncle drove us back and got a little tour of the mission before heading back to Teguc. It was a fun weekend, and I’m glad we made it back safe and sound.

Off to Teguc for the Weekend

July 21

     Saturday! And you know what that means…it’s Malaria day (as Jen and I would say)! That’s just our way of reminding ourselves to take our Malaria pills. However, Saturdays are actually my time period markers. I’ve officially been here for a whole month. The Alabama team just left this morning. Gracie took them to the airport and the rest of us just kind of did our own thing.

      After having lunch, I finished up a few blog posts and packed up for the weekend. Jen and I are staying at Evelin’s house in Teguc for the night and heading back to La Ermita Sunday evening. We had dinner at her aunt’s house. Her aunt made an amazing soup with three different kinds of bananas and three different kinds of meat. It was really good. We had a pretty good time visiting with her family, but once we got to her house, it wasn’t long till we were all ready for bed.

     Being with her family at her aunt’s house reminded me of being with my mom’s family in Manila. I felt right at home. It’s weird at times because I feel like I’m at home, but at the same time I’m not…does that make sense? Haha! Well, whether it does or doesn’t, I’m just still really blessed and thankful to be here and that I’m not having to struggle too much with culture shock.

A Very Full Day

July 20

     Wow, in exactly one month I will be on a plane back to Texas. It’s hard to imagine what that’s going to be like, but I’m not going to get ahead of myself. In this type of ministry, it’s extremely important that we focus on the here and the now and take things one at a time as they come, otherwise it’s so easy to get overwhelmed and burnt out. That being said, we took our time with the things we had to do today.

     My day started out at 4 in the morning. I got up to help Evelin and some of the girls make tamales. I got to see the whole process from beginning to end, and that included eating them! Haha! I have photo documentation for evidence. I was lots of fun! Waking up at 4 in the morning wasn’t that bad either. I actually felt well rested.

     Part of the morning was also spent for bagging beans and rice for the food project. We went to a small village in the afternoon to distribute our first batch. Gracie knew of a family with a blind little boy, so she contacted his father and he took us to other needy families around the village including another family that had a little girl with down syndrome. We had a good time talking to the people in the village. The team seemed to enjoy it as well. A lot of families did not have any stable income. We were told that many people in the village have been out of work for quite a while now, so they were very blessed to receive what we had to offer.

     As soon as we finished distributing all the food, we had to rush back home because Gracie got a call from the fiscal saying that they were there at the mission with a one year old baby boy; so just like that, we had another little boy added to the group. Gracie didn’t know very much about his case but all she could tell us was that his father is into drugs and abuses him (as we could tell from the scars and cigarette burns on his body). The mother is no longer in the picture. We weren’t really sure how long we would be keeping him, but Jennifer enjoyed being his mommy for the night.

     After having dinner we gathered in the comodor for a special evening service. Gracie asked pastor Todd to share something with the group and we also had communion together and everyone got prayed over. I got pretty choked up as each of the girls and babies were prayed over as their stories played through my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in their heads. I hope though that God somehow touched their hearts tonight, even if it was just for a brief moment.

The In-Between Times

July 19

     Today Gracie decided to call off classes for the rest of the week except for the high school class. Instead, we spent the day helping the team finish the comodor (dining hall). We did sanding in the morning and painting in the afternoon. It’s been really neat being able to see two new buildings go up during our time here. This ministry is slowly getting bigger and bigger.

     The high school class went well as it has been. We were missing quite a few because of the ongoing school celebration, but we still had a good sized group.

     I learned how to make Pupusas (corn tortillas with cheese topped with a cabbage salad and more cheese) today! They’re soooo good! I’ve really been enjoying helping out in the kitchen. Evelin’s been teaching me a lot of Honduran food stuff and I’ve probably had more beans here within the past few weeks than I have ever had in my whole life! Not that I’m complaining though…the food here is great and I especially enjoy learning how to make it. It’s also a good bonding experience with the cooks and the girls who are assigned to kitchen duty. It’s another one of those in between times that God can still use no matter how simple it may seem.

“Don’t ever let anyone convince you that you have no power…All significant changes in the world start slowly, at a single time and place, with a single action.” –Jones, Haenfler, and Johnson

Big changes start from small things…

Time for a Little Break

July 18

      This morning was a little emotional for all the girls. During the healing class they were being pretty disrespectful to Jen. That kind of upset her because it’s challenging enough for her having to teach the class and talk about her personal experiences with the matter. She got a little overwhelmed and had a break down. Gracie came by and saw that Jen was crying, so she intervened and had a good talk with all of them. I wasn’t exactly there when all of this happened, but from what I heard, it ended well. All the girls were in tears, but mostly because they were touched by what was said I guess.

      I had a little episode with Alicia as well prior to that. When their class had started, she asked me if I could change Ashly’s diaper. I agreed and when I was finished I had to walk back under the rain (more like a little shower). Apparently that upset Alicia, so instead of saying thank you, I got a complaint. Once again, the girls still have a lot to learn about being grateful. That kind of put me in a bad mood. I guess Gracie sensed that we were all a bit drained, so she gave us the rest of the day off. After cooking Adobo for the group for lunch, I helped Evelin make everyone some fried bananas with cabbage and salsa, and then we went to the dispensa to get some snacks. Gracie allowed us to seclude ourselves in the classroom away from everyone to relax and watch a few movies. We ended up watching two. It was 10 o’clock by the time we were ready to head to bed…and by then everyone else was already in bed. It was a good time of unwinding and I’m really really glad the three of us (Jen, Evelin, and I) get along well. I’ve been so blessed to have such great companions and it’s been an honor serving side by side with them. I couldn’t have asked for a better team. God’s been taking good care of us and growing us closer and closer to His heart every day.

Grace and Good Works to Come

July 17

     It’s Tuesday! And that means English class in the morning and the high school class in the afternoon or should I say at noon. The girls had their first English exam. Evelin typically doesn’t translate for this class, so it’s pretty challenging at times to get my point across or to get them to understand certain instructions. Sometimes I get frustrated because they can be very disrespectful at times. Unfortunately, I suppose I have allowed them to take advantage of my kindness once or twice. The other night they were trying to bribe me. They said that if I agreed to give them my permanent marker that I let them borrow, they would willingly take the English exam the next day. Prior to that incident they had been complaining and saying that they did not want to take the test. I got a little upset about that, and it didn’t help that they tried to bribe me. Gracie told us the other night that if they are being ruse or disrespectful, we have the authority to call them out. I can’t help but feel helpless at times though because the language barrier makes it difficult for me to be firm with them even if I wanted to. I don’t think it’s good to have this “good parent – bad parent” thing going on where Evelin has to do all the disciplining and I just let them get away with things. If they’re going to learn, discipline has to be consistent. I’ll admit that because I am such a people pleaser kind type person, I do let myself get trampled on at times. When people ask me for favors, I have a hard time saying no, and people have abused that a lot. Again, this is another one of those occasions where I come face to face with my weaknesses. But feeling sorry for myself and allowing Satan to fill my head with lies won’t get me anywhere. I love these girls, and I try not to take things personally when they do something wrong, but they’re going to have to learn to deal with a little tough love. Discipline doesn’t necessarily have to be harsh, though sometimes it is necessary, but there is such thing as a gentle reprimand. Thankfully though, the class went well. The girls were actually reviewing before we started and they did well. I tried to explain to them that their grades doesn’t matter, what matters is that they are learning. Hopefully I was able to get my point across.

     Later that afternoon Evelin and I went to Talanga with Miriam and Heydi to go food shopping for the rest of the week. Unlike last week with Alicia, Heydi was so much easier to tag along. She was very helpful and she didn’t ask for anything. Evelin offered to buy her something. At first she said, “don’t bother”, but Evelin insisted so she said that she would be happy with anything. She made things a lot easier for us. It’s been a bit challenging teaching the girls how to be thankful for what they have. But I’m hoping that God can use us during our time here to help these girls realize how blessed they really are…that they should count their blessings instead of the things they lack.

I thought it was interesting that the pages for this journal entry began with this quote:

“We know that He gives us every grace, every abundant grace; and though we are so weak of ourselves, this grace is able to carry us through every obstacle and difficulty.” –Elizabeth Ann Seton

…and ended with this one:

“Jesus is preparing us for good works and preparing good works for us. He has an ongoing plan to use us for His kingdom work.”

Told You So

July 16

     So before coming here, Gracie had mentioned that she would challenge us at one point or another by pushing us to step out of our comfort zone a bit. Well, today was that day for me. During our mentor time we talked more about how we can only do as much as we limit ourselves to, then along with that (I forgot how she got the idea) Gracie tasked Jennifer and I to take Peggy (one of the team members from Alabama) out into the village in the afternoon and find at least 3 families for the feeding project without Evelin, meaning we wouldn’t have a translator. That meant we were going to have to just trust that we would be able to do it by God’s power. I was laughing at first but it was more like nervous laughter. I was in shock…I was thinking, “you want us to do what?” I was looking in the mirror seeing nothing but my weaknesses…my limitations. Gracie had more confidence in us than I had for myself. I was having a very “human Veronica” moment. It’s not that I couldn’t trust God, ‘cuz if that were the case I would have just refused right then and there. I just couldn’t help feeling anxious about it. At first I was planning to write down all the possible phrases that I might need to use and then have Evelin translate them so that I could use that when we went out. But then something in my head said “nope! That’s cheating.” Haha! I mean it’s not literally cheating, but it’s missing the point of the whole experience. So that plan went down the drain. Then I told myself, “ok, well I’ll just review some basic pronouns and words” and I was even piecing some phrases in my head. As I was doing that though, I still wondered “Does preparing even just a little bit still mean that I am not trusting God?” So I told myself that I was just going to go with what I had and pray for a miracle!

     I was in a rather skeptical mood as we walked out the gate, which I’m ashamed to admit. I was literally having an argument with myself in my head. “So many times you have seen the Lord’s faithfulness and yet you are still having trouble trusting him?” I was pretty upset with myself. But as we approached the first house, which Gracie recommended we start with, I felt a nudge, like God was saying, “Go for it and let me show you what you can do” (or more like, what I can do through you). We introduced ourselves as “practicantes de Gracie” and the lady at the door welcomed us into her home. Her husband and 3 of her 5 children were with her. By the grace of God we were able to communicate with them and get all the information we needed. We asked if they knew any other families that needed help and their 9-year old daughter gladly took us to another family across the street. The father of the house was home and he had a little trouble understanding at first what exactly it was that we were doing, but after a second try and with the help of the little girl, we had a break through! What was impressive and very encouraging to us was that he told us that he would rather that we help a different family who is more in need than they are. Who does that these days? Not to mention in a country where poverty is very evident. He pointed us to the family next door, a family of 8, both parents unemployed, so we got their information and one of their younger ones, Ruth, led us to another needy family that lived quite a ways down the road. So we then had Ruth and the 9 year old and her little sister from the first family walking with us and guiding us around town. They were God’s little angels. When we finally made it to the house Ruth was leading us to, there was an old couple sitting in front of the house, both in their 80’s. Again, we introduced ourselves as Gracie’s interns and they allowed us to enter. They were probably the most challenging ones to communicate with. We tried to tell them why we were there but they didn’t seem to understand us. All the sudden, the elderly woman started ranting, I could barely understand a single thing she was saying, but from what I gathered, she sounded like she had a lot of resentment about a lot of things. I was starting to feel a little helpless, but once again, God came to the rescue!  A lady who lived next door came in and helped us explain things better to the old couple. Turns out the old lady was blind and a bit senile while the husband was also visually impaired. The more we talked to this lady, the more we found out that she was also in need. She was 34 years old, with 4 children, no job, no support from her husband who is currently stuck in the states. Her youngest daughter was actually born in Maryland. She has a house, but the conditions are not livable, so she has to live with her father. She was very kind and helpful though. She also explained to us that this old couple was very much in need of help. They have been very sickly and have no one to take care of them, so we made sure we got their names and put them on our list.

     By the time we said our goodbye’s we had already been out for an hour, so we decided to make our way home. We stopped by the pulperia to get the girls some drinks. Jen and I pooled our money together to get them 3 cokes but we were short 2 lempiras. I started to pull out my dictionary to look up the word “share” because it looked like we only had enough for two, but then Ruth pulled out 2 lemps from her own pocket and gave it to us…a simple gesture, but it had such a great impact on us. These little girls were anything but greedy.

     After taking them back home, we parted ways and headed back. As we were walking along the road, Ruth caught up with us and said that there was one more family that we could talk to right across the street. So she led us to them and sure enough they were another candidate. A mother of 4, no income, single parent…we put her on our list, said our goodbye’s and continued on home.

     So after that whole experience I felt pretty ridiculous for worrying so much. We set out to find at least 3 families in one hour, but look what happened. We came home with 5 of the 6 families we had talked to. God did exceedingly more than I imagined. He still used me in my weakness. It was a very humbling experience indeed. He completely turned my world around and once again revealed His power and faithfulness. I could just see God looking down at me with a gentle smile saying, “Told you so.” I still have a lot to learn, but I’m so glad I have such a patient and gracious teacher. He’s still teaching me a lot about trust. I admit that I was pretty disappointed with myself, but I do realize that true faith takes practice and it is strengthened as God brings you through one challenge at a time.

     Being here had definitely challenged my faith to various extents, but I’m blessed to have a Heavenly Father who remains faithful even in times when I fall short.

The Simple Things

July 15

     We had a pretty meaningful mentor time with Gracie this morning. We talked about faith and seeing the potential in ourselves that God sees in us. She had us listen to the song “In Christ Alone” and asked us to think about “What the power of Christ in us is”. Then she wants us to write a two page paper on it and eventually post in on our blogs. I thought it was interesting that we ended up talking about all that because I was actually thinking about that yesterday during my quiet time. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I’m going to be doing with the rest of my life. I know that’s not something I can actually figure out at an instant, but as Gracie was telling us this morning, our life kind of goes through stages, but God uses those to bring you to where you are meant to be. I’ve never really been one to have big dreams for myself, I just know that my heart is in ministry. There are several things that I feel strongly about and that I would like to do, but I haven’t quite been drawn toward a certain direction. I do trust though that as opportunities come my way, I’ll eventually find a place where my passion meets His will. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

      Jen and I had all the babies to keep an eye on while the girls were in Sunday class with Mercedes. After that we decided to take the afternoon off and catch up on some needed rest. When you’re around crying babies and girls demanding your attention for a long period of time, sometimes you just need to “withdraw from the crowd” and that really is an essential need in ministry. If you don’t give yourself that time to rest and refuel, it’s so easy to get burned out. So we got lots of rest.

     The 3 "gringos" from Alabama arrived today. They’ll be starting their building project bright and early tomorrow morning. The rest of the evening was pretty mellow. I sat outside with Milagro for a while. She wanted me to teach her how to play the guitar, but she ended up singing to me. She likes music a lot; it’s kind of like her means of escape. Maybe I can find some way to minister to her through that. We’ll see; God works in different ways, so He may decide to use this somehow. Either way, I’m glad He’s been helping me find ways to slowly build relationships with these girls and sometimes it’s through the simplest things.

“The wonder of our Lord is that He is so accessible to us in the common things of our lives; the cup of water…giving thanks. A simple attitude of caring, listening, and lovingly telling the truth.”

-Nancie Carmichael

Being Still

July 14

     Another Saturday gone by…meaning another full week gone by, this being my third. It’s hard to believe that I’ve already been here that long. Our routine was a bit different this morning though. Instead of me teaching class, we had sign language class with Beverly. She taught us expressions of time; it was fun to learn. I’ve been wanting to learn sign language for quite some time now, so I was pretty excited. Beverly’s a great teacher and she has such a loving heart. I was really blessed and encouraged by her for the short time that she was here. She inspired me to maybe try teaching Karen how to write or spell out words. I wonder if she would be open to it, but I’m willing to give it a try. The more I think about the possibilities, the more excited I get. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for the opportunity to do so.

     After lunch I spent some time catching up on blog posts. I managed to finish 5 more today! Yipeee!! In some sense I’m actually glad that I fell behind because now that I am having to catch up, I actually get to reflect on a lot of things that have happened and it’s even encouraging because I get to see the growth in relationships and how God is continually faithful.

     When all of that was taken care of, I went to Gracie’s “tranquility spot” and had some quite time…doing absolutely nothing but sitting still for a whole hour. Once upon a time, that would have driven me nuts! But I’m getting a lot better at slowing down and just learning to be still in the Lord’s presence. I used to get really anxious when I had to sit still like that for a long time, and I still do sometimes, but I’m starting to realize that there’s so much freedom when you learn to cast your burdens unto the Lord; let’s face it, He can certainly handle them way better than I can.

     The rest of the night was pretty low key, but I’m always thankful for each day the Lord so faithfully sees us through.

Beverly's Here!

July 13

     It’s Friday the 13^th and it’s a good thing I’m not superstitious. The day started out pretty good. We had a lot of laughs with Gracie during out mentor time, but we also had some very good, meaningful discussions. It’s always a great way to start the day.

     After lunch, I went out with Evelin, Leslie, and Alicia to get some groceries and to run a few errands. It took us a good 3 hours to get it all done, but we got everything we needed.

     Beverley, the deaf specialist arrived today, so I got to visit with her a little bit while dinner was being prepared. She has such a big heart for Karen and it’s been really encouraging to see how she reaches out to her. Apparently it’s still rather difficult for her to communicate with Karen because Karen hasn’t really had any formal sign classes, so Beverly is having to figure out what some of her signs really mean. I’ve seen a big change in Karen though since the first day we got here. She has opened up to us a lot more. She also seems to be a lot happier. I’ve been wanting to find some way to minister to her because she doesn’t get as much attention as the other girls do. I do hope though that I can learn some things from Beverly for the times that she is here.   

Quote for today, which I thought was very appropriate:

“Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.”

–William Carey

     Communicating with Karen can be a challenge at times, and I’m sure she gets very frustrated too. But God is bigger than any of that and I’m looking forward to seeing how He’s going to work in her life.

We've Got the Joy! Joy! Joy!

July 12

     It’s another Thursday and boy has this week gone by pretty fast. We had a good mentor session with Gracie. I’ve really been enjoying having that time in the morning to just dwell on God’s word and think about what it means in my life and the lives of those we are ministering to. Gracie’s been a great mentor and I’m learning a lot from her.

     Evelin and Gracie went out to run errands while Jen and I had English class with the girls. God has brought me a long way in terms of how I’ve learned to communicate with the girls. I can’t thank Him enough for His faithfulness in that. I still struggle at times, but I’ve gotten a lot better compared to how I was the first week.

     Jen taught the high school class today. We did things a little different since we were running late, so while Jen and Evelin taught the class, I was outside making sandwiches. Once we got home, I felt the need to retreat to the room after eating my lunch. I was in a bit of an anti-social mood, so I spent a few hours working on my blog posts. I’ve slowly been catching up…I could take the easy way out by just summarizing in one long post, but I don’t think I could do that. There’s always something I want to share from each day, so I think I’ll stick to my catch-up routine.

      After I got my posts up, I decided to crawl out of my little hole. Dinner was a bit later than usual. Evelin was making bean soup with Leslie, which turned out really good. Once dinner was through, the girls were all in a playful mood. Jen started teaching Alicia ballet; I played Parcheesi with Heydi, Karla and Melissa…that turned out to be a really fun game. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. You could tell there was a change in the atmosphere and it didn’t stop once we were all in our rooms. Jen, Evelin and I started joking around about the silly things the boys say and how we were going to make a remix of all of that. It was a good way to end the day.

“The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy.”

-Psalm 19:8

We Love Them No Less

July 11

     Today was a little heavy with everything that’s going on. I guess a more appropriate word would be overwhelming. Gracie has still been trying to help the mother whose 13-year old daughter ran off with a drug abuser. Karla got grounded and Heydi got reprimanded for how both of them have been treating Melissa. Milagro cut herself yesterday and Dulce (the nanny) has been having a hard time dealing with the girls’ verbal abuse. Jen also got upset today in her class because the girls were being very disrespectful and it made her feel pretty bad. After our mentor time, Gracie said that we should all just spend the rest of the day in prayer and quiet time with the Lord.

     Some of the tension eased out after a while. Its days like these though when you are especially thankful for children and the joy that they bring. Their smiles and laughter changed the atmosphere. They are such a blessing and these children are extra special. They may have come from unfortunate circumstances, but that doesn’t mean God loves them any less…and neither do we.

His Heart in the Midst of Suffering

July 10

     Not much went on this morning. We were supposed to have English class with the girls but Milagro and Alicia had to go back to the clinic with Gracie, so we decided to postpone class till later. Once they got back we had just enough time to make the sandwiches for the high school class. I’m actually really enjoying teaching the class. Even thought I still wish I could communicate with them better, I still have fun just being around them. They remind me a lot of the kids from the summer camps we would have back home in Cebu. I really hope though that the things we are teaching them are meaning something to them and sinking in to some extent. I noticed a slight improvement in Franklin’s behavior today, so that was good to see. God’s not going to give up on this kid and I’m praying that He changes his heart. The thing that’s great about this class is that I’m also learning and being reminded of a lot of good things myself.

     After eating lunch we had our English class with the girls. I think this is the one class that they rarely give us any trouble. I guess a possible reason could be because it takes their mind off of their pain and also because they seem to enjoy what they are learning. We work on learning 20 new vocabulary words every week, which means I do too…haha! So it works perfectly both ways.

     When class was over, we decided to go out into the village for a while to look for families for the coming mission team’s feeding project. That was quite an adventure! We started out by asking the man at one of the pulperia’s if he knew of any needy families in the village. He took us to his mother because she knows a lot of people in the village. Coincidently, just as she had mentioned one lady in particular, the said lady had just passed us. This lady had 9 children, 7 of which lived with her, no income, and no support from her husband. Long story short, we called her over and she showed us where she lived and we also got to meet her 74 year old father who lived right next door. They didn’t have much at all, and with 7 little mouths to feed, you can imagine how hard it is for them to get by. The 74 year old man is a carpenter and he builds furniture, but he said he hardly makes much from that because business is pretty hard these days.

     Another lady who were introduced to by the pulperia, Maria and her 12 year old son, tagged a long and led us to another lady she knew of who lived in that area as well. This lady she brought us to had 5 children, and no support from her husband who was now in the states.

     It just so happened that while we were there, we came across a lady who lived in that same area. She asked us if we were Gracie’s interns and referred to Evelin as “the psychologist” (come to find out she has been talking to Gracie on the phone for the past few days), and she was asking Evelin if she could try to talk to her daughter. This 13 year old daughter of hers had run away with a boy who was also a drug addict. She had been with him since October of last year and they had just gotten her back because she had called her mother saying that the boy was trying to get her to do things that she didn’t want to do (it’s a very complicated situation), but she was being very stubborn and resistant. So Evelin went and spent about an hour talking to the girl and her parents while Jen, Bruce (Gracie’s nephew) and I stayed behind with the other ladies and their families. I felt a little bad because neither of us could really talk to any of them. One of the mothers must have thought I was Honduran because she was talking to me as if I could understand her, and in my attempt to communicate I ended up saying something like, “I’m sorry, I can’t speak Spanish because I’m from the states.” HAHAHA! Not long after when I realized what I had said I busted out laughing at myself.

     Once Evelin had finished talking to the girl, we went to go see where Maria and her son lived. As we were about to leave, the family we had interviewed gave us a bag of corn and some fruit to take with us. How humbling is that? Here’s a family who hardly has much, and yet they still have it in their hearts to give US a portion of what little they have.

     Maria’s story was pretty heart breaking as well. She’s a mother of five, but 4 of her children live with her mother. She just lost her husband two months ago to cancer and has no income. Evelin had asked her if they had something to eat that night, to which they said no. She couldn’t stand leaving knowing that we left them hungry, so we went to the nearby pulperia and she bought them some food. I’ve been really blessed and encouraged seeing her serve her own people. God has planted a seed of compassion in her that has been so evident these past few weeks and it’s been a great blessing to see.

     We finally made it home. Gracie was blown away by the fact that we had run into that lady that she has been on the phone with for the past two days…Coincidence? I’d say that was a God thing right there. Apparently a lot went on while we were gone. Karla got really upset about something and threw a fit. Some of the girls aren’t getting along very well and poor Alejandro is still sick…

     As you can tell, today was a very full day with a lot to process and take in. Hence, the very lengthy post, probably my longest one yet. But this is reality. I’m not here on a summer vacation. We’re dealing with broken people in a broken world on a daily basis and as overwhelming as it can be sometimes, I have no regrets being here. Though I also grew up in a third world country myself seeing very similar things that does not mean I have become completely desensitized. In fact, my heart still breaks every time. But seeing things like this is always a good wake-up call. Not only do you realize the extent to which God has blessed you, but your eyes are opened to the oppression and the deep hunger in the world. You go beyond your own tiny little box that you so frequently get trapped in.

     Many times I still can’t understand why there is such an imbalance of those who have much and those who hardly have anything at all…or why some people have to suffer more than others. I don’t think it’s God’s desire for those of us who are more fortunate to feel guilty about these things, but rather because we are so blessed, He wants us to bless others in return. Christ’s love compels and it is from this love that we are able to give as we have been given…forgive as we have been forgive…and love as we have been loved.

Everything Is Seed

July 9

Guess what I got to do today? I got to go with Gracie and Alicia for Milagro’s ultrasound! It was my first time to see a baby ultrasound. It’s amazing seeing what technology can do these days. We even got to see and hear the baby’s heart beating. It was a pretty emotional experience, but I can’t even begin to imagine what was going on in Milagro’s head. What’s it like being a 14-year old girl staring at the life inside you, but also remembering that you wouldn’t be pregnant in the first place if it wasn’t for the rape (Milagro was dragged into a field by 3 men and raped). However, I did see a glimpse of joy in her eyes…I do hope and pray that she comes to love that baby for the blessing he/she is (we’re not sure yet if it’s a girl or boy, but the Dr. said it’s very likely to be a girl). Often times girls who get pregnant through such situations come to resent their child because they associate the child with the abuse. One of our girls, Heydi still struggles with that sometimes. She has this battle within her every time she looks at baby Christopher. She loves him, but still has a hard time detaching that association. The same is true for Karla. When she is with Alejandro, you can tell that she sincerely loves him, but she even admitted to us that she hates looking at him knowing that he is both her son and her brother at the same time (Karla was raped by her own father).

As you can see, the girls were are ministering to are very broken and Satan can easily use that to manipulate us into thinking that there’s not much we can do for them because the damage has already been done. But that’s all a lie, because it is when you are so broken that God can work in your life even more. I’ll admit, some days it is hard to believe that we’re making a difference in their lives, but as Gracie would say, “everything you do or don’t do is seed”. All He needs us to do is plant them and nourish them, but ultimately, He will make them grow.     

One Day at a Time

July 8

Today was a pretty restful day. While the girls were in Sunday class with Mercedes, Jen and I kept an eye on the babies…Oh! But I’m forgetting an important part of the day. Before all that, we had our mentor time with Gracie and we talked about God being our shepherd and how sometimes when things get really rough all we need is a hug from God and to hear him say that He loves us. She shared a song with us (Me dice que me ama). It was in Spanish but she translated as it played. It was a really beautiful song and I actually got a little choked up because of how touching the words were. Gracie went into worship mode after that and I think that kind of set the mood for the rest of the day. She came in the family room while we were playing with the boys and started singing. Not long after, they were having a pillow fight. It was a lot of fun to watch, but I eventually for pulled in.

Once the girls were done with class, I made a quick run to the pulperia with Alicia to get some juice and a pack of oatmeal for Milagro; then I retreated to my room till lunch was ready. I pretty much did the same thing after lunch. Jen and I stayed in the room most of the afternoon. Since we are living on the mission site, we’re constantly going from about 6 or 7 in the morning to 9 in the evening, so when there’s a opportunity for some down time, we take it. Now that I’ve been here for two weeks with little outside contact, I think I’m starting to get a little restless. But for me, that’s normal…2 weeks is usually my breaking point, but I’ll get over it after being here a bit longer. I’m still so blessed that God provided the means for me to be here and I want to make the most of it.

            After dinner, we all hung out in the family room and watched a movie while playing with the boys. Ericka started throwing up so I helped Dulce (nanny) clean up and got Moises ready for bed since she had her hands full. For the most part though, it was a pretty laid back day. Jen and I had some pretty good conversations. We talked about how things are probably going to be really different when we get back. I mentioned to her that I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with just being comfortable. After all that God has been showing me here, I’ve been deeply convicted about how I take a lot of things for granted. I still don’t quite know what kind of job I’ll be looking for when I get back; all I know is that I work for the Lord. He wants me to just trust Him one day at a time and leave the details up to Him. That’s completely against my nature, but I’d be dumb not to trust Him.

He Enables the Called

July 7

Things were a bit different this morning. Evelin went with Jen and Alicia to the merkado (market) and dispensa (grocery store) to get food for the week. Evelin wanted to learn administration stuff so Gracie put her in charge of planning the menu for a whole week with a given budget. As far as I know, she stuck to the budget pretty well and even had a bit leftover to buy fruit. So while they were out, I got to baby sit Ashley (Alicia’s baby). Alicia got to go out with them as a reward for being well-behaved. Hopefully this new reward system will be motivation for them to be on their best behavior.

The girls got back a bit later than anticipated so I had to postpone my sex class to the afternoon since I was also on kitchen duty. I literally spent two hours in the kitchen, but I’m glad I got to spend some time with Leslie (cook/nanny). I had been thinking all this time that she didn’t really like me, but I guess she was just having a rough week, She’s actually a lot of fun and I’m glad God equipped me enough to be able to communicate with her.

After lunch I had my class with the girls. We talked about God’s design for human sexuality and what that looks like. I’m really thankful that I was able to use some of what I learned from a class I took this past semester on Human Sexuality (Thank you Dr. Morris!) It’s always a challenge getting them to stay focused and engaged, but I’m not going to give up on them that easily.

“Now that you’ve arrived at your destination, serving in the name of Jesus becomes more than a theory. But God will give you the power to put into practice what you have learned.”

            God does not call the qualified, but he qualifies the called. By my own strength and my own abilities, I can only do so much, but by His power, He can do so much more and use me in ways I would have never thought that I was capable of.

Where Gladness and Hunger Meet

July 6

Today was my first day teaching the “Sex and the Soul of a Woman” class. It went pretty well for the most part. The girls were attentive enough and they participated in discussions. But I did realize that I may have to change my approach a little to fit their conditions. The thing is, the book talks a lot about the importance of waiting for the right time and the right person before having sex, but their mind set is, “why should we wait when we have already lost our virginity?” or “we’re never going to find a man who will love us once he knows our past.” It breaks my heart to hear them say things like that, but it’s my hope that God will free them from those lies and that He will speak truth into their hearts and reveal to them their true value as His daughters.

We had 3 new additions to our family today: Melissa and her 6 month old baby girl Keydi, and Milagro who is about 5 months pregnant. Evelin and I had the task of inspecting their stuff just to make sure they weren’t bringing in anything “inappropriate”. We just discovered not too long ago that one of our girls, Karla, has been sniffing nail polish to get high…so we want to keep things like that away. I guess we’re all going to have to readjust to having the new girls here, but I’m glad we get to minister to them.

Not much went on the rest of the day…a storm came through just as we were having dinner. The power has been out since then. I brought out the guitar and sang some songs with Jen for a while. Then we sat out under the stars and talked to Gracie for a while. Overall, it was a pretty good day. I did sense some tension between some people here and there, but by the grace of God, we made it through another day with much to be thankful for. Tomorrow is another day. I’ll be teaching the sex class again in the morning. I still have to recollect my thoughts, but for the most part, I’ll be praying that the Lord speaks through me.

             I really like the quote in my journal for today; it says, “The place where God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” (Frederick Buechner) Not too long ago, I was at a point where I was having doubts if I was really meant to go to Honduras and intern with this ministry, but God has made it clear why I am here. Though some days can be challenging and emotionally draining, God still blesses us with a sense of joy from being able to feed these hungry souls with the love and acceptance that they long for.

More Than We Can Imagine

July 5

Things were a little scattered this morning, at least that’s what it seemed like. While we were having our meeting with Gracie she went over the list of things we had to do for the day, but for the most part we just had to get through the morning and the rest of the day would be fine. Evelin, Jen and Miriam went to town to run some errands which left me with the girls for the English and Sign (sign language) class, and that was fine. I actually really enjoy teaching the girls English, plus I’m forced to actually use the little Spanish that I actually know. But God has just been so faithful in helping me find ways to communicate with them. It’s funny how the verse on the top page of my journal for this day hits the spot - “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us…” (Eph. 3:20) He really is able to do more than we can imagine. I never thought that I would really be able to communicate with these girls without having to rely so much on Evelin or Gracie to translate, but God comes up with the craziest ways to make things work and it’s SO AWESOME!

               We had our 2^nd class session with the high school kids. Jen did a good job. We were missing a few of the kids, but I really appreciate those who do show up. Franklin wasn’t there, and that didn’t surprise me considering they didn’t have regular classes today, so technically he didn’t really ‘have to” be there. For some reason though, God has placed that kid on my heart and I’m going to do my best to pray for him every night and I really hope God gives us an open window to shed some light into his life. Again, He is able to more than we ask or imagine and I can’t wait to see what trick He pulls with this one.

You're Not Here for You

July 4 

Unlike previous days, we didn’t do very much today. After our meeting with Gracie, she let me use her computer so that I could pay one of my bills. Once I got on I was a bit overwhelmed with all the e-mails and facebook messages I had to respond to. I decided to save updating my blog for later because I didn’t have much time. I miss everyone a lot but I kind of like being away from everything for a while. Being “disconnected” from all of that has allowed me to focus a lot more on what I came here to do. My eyes have been fixed on Jesus and I am learning more and more about his heart each day. Part of that is just learning to be sensitive to God’s spirit, being patient and compassionate…realizing that it’s not at all about me. It’s been a very humbling journey as I come face to face with my weaknesses, but when I am weak, He is strong and He is able to work through that. I’m learning a lot more about myself…my strengths, my weak points…but mostly how my heart lines up with His. As I’ve said before, my heart is still under renovation. When I leave this place I’m going to be a different person, but I trust that God is preparing my heart for something greater.

“You are not here in the world for yourself. You have been sent here for others. The world is waiting for you!” – Catherine Booth

The Mission Field is Wherever You Are

July 3 

This morning is a bit blurry…I can’t quite seem to remember details but I know that I got up early to go over my lesson for the high school class. We had a good mentor session with Gracie. We processed a lot of what happened last night with the girl and her baby. She really did run away from home but we’re not quite sure as to who the father of the baby his. She claims it’s some guy who is actually an assassin, which is why she chose to run away because she didn’t want her family to get involved or be at risk, but at the same time Gracie was suspecting that her father might have abused her. Some people came by to pick her up and as she left Gracie said, “that’s probably the last time we will ever see her.” But at least we had that small window of time to minister to her. I was really struck by how young she was – just turned 14, which means she was actually 13 when she got pregnant, but she really does love her baby and Evelin was trying to encourage her to keep him. I really hope she does, because the last thing he needs is to be left without a home and without a mother.

        

         We had our English class with the girls at 9. They were very distracted though. I got a little annoyed with how impatient they were being but I did the best I could to make the most of our time. After class, I went with Jen to the pulperia to get a few snacks. It was nice being able to get out and walk around for a change. When we got back it was just about time to head out to the high school. I was a bit nervous, but I felt like I was prepared and I could sense God saying “It’s going to be ok, trust me.” And He was right! I actually really enjoyed teaching the class. They were very attentive and I really hope that God captured their hearts. I knew Franklin was going to be a bit of a challenge though. I sensed that the minute I saw him last Thursday when we met the group for the first time. Something tells me though that God’s going to be working extra hard on this one in these next few weeks and I’m praying that God provides a way for us to reach him. He’s a troubled kid, no doubt, but like anyone else, he seeks to be loved. Rebellion is obviously his defense but it’s my prayer that the Lord breaks him down and builds him back up with His love.

         The rest of the afternoon was pretty chill. I took a nap, cleaned out some files on my computer, Karla played with my hair…then it was dinner time! After dinner, Jen and I “retired” to the room early and we talked for a good while. I’ve really been enjoying getting to know her. She’s been through a lot, but she has a great testimony of how God has redeemed her from all of that. I know I am here to minister to these other girls, and with all the attention they need it can be pretty easy to neglect those who are right beside us who may also need to be ministered to. Ministry can be pretty draining, especially when you constantly have to pour out on other people. Sometimes it’s nice to just have someone you can share your heart with especially when things get overwhelming. The mission field doesn’t necessarily have to be far away or in a foreign land, it’s wherever you are and sometimes it can be right beside you.

The Lost Boy

July 2 

So today was day 1 for classes with the girls. Jen did a good job with the Healing class. The girls were a bit hesitant to participate, but I can’t blame them. It’s not easy having to talk about their past. Having to remember such things is painful, but as Jen told them, learning to talk about it is part of the healing process.

In the afternoon, Evelin taught the parenting and self-esteem classes. As for me, I spent most of the day preparing for my class with the high school kids tomorrow. It’s a lot of material, but I guess we will just have to wait and see how things go tomorrow and we can go from there. I was a bit unsure at first as far as knowing what approach to take with this material because the lessons come from a perspective that assumes its audience/readers are already Christians, and I doubt that’s the case for most of the kids we will be teaching. I’ve been pretty slow going through the first unit, but I trust that God will guide me and grant me His wisdom. I’m actually kind of excited, a little nervous, but it’ll be another learning experience.

The girls and I decorated Easter eggs at around 4:30. Yes, you heard me…Easter eggs in July…haha! Reason being they were intended for Easter, but by the time the package with all the materials arrived easter was already over. Regardless though, they thought that was pretty neat. They had never done anything like that before. The girls kept asking me if they could eat the eggs, but we were going to use them to make egg salad sandwiches for the high school class tomorrow.

Not long after, Papi Lee called Evelin to the gate and I went with her. There was a lady with her son and a young girl who was about 14 and the girl had a 16 day old baby in her arms. Long story short, we were told that the girl had run away from home and she was looking for someone to take her baby. So Gracie and Evelin took them to the government office in Talanga to get things straightened out. I don’t know all the details but the girl and her baby are staying here for the night. We’ll find out more in the morning. Evelin had to stay in the other room with the girl just to make sure she doesn’t try to escape in the middle of the night or so she doesn’t try to do anything to hard the baby.

            
             I got to put Diego in bed tonight. I changed his “fresh” diaper and his clothes, but as I was laying him down he quickly got up and headed for the patio outside. He stood with his face to my bed room door and he had the saddest look on his face. I picked him up and just held him. After a while I took him back to his room and rocked him to sleep. While I was singing to him I was thinking about how much he must miss his mother. He’s only about 2, but you can tell he knows what’s going on. He knows his mommy left him, and it doesn’t help that none of the girls really like him either and they are not as affectionate with him as they are with the other babies. I admit he can be a little annoying at times, even I got a little annoyed with him today, but all kids are at some point…He’s just craving for affection. He doesn’t feel like he belongs to anyone. He’s like the lost boy of the group. I’m glad he is here and he’s not in a place where he could be abused or neglected, but I do hope and pray that God finds him a loving family that he can call his own someday.

His Love is Stronger

July 1, Day 9

Today was a really fun day. Jen and I got to watch the babies while the girls were in class with Mercedes. I was on kitchen duty so I helped Miriam (one of the other cooks/nannies) make pancakes from lunch. (Who would have thought I would be having pancakes for lunch in Honduras? Haha!) After lunch we had a family meeting to go over some reminders and the weekly schedule since we are going to start classes with the girls. I wasn’t expecting it to get intense, but it did for a little while. Gracie decided to let everyone know that she knew everything that was going on including everything Karla had been planning behind her back. I don’t think that was initially part of her agenda, but somehow that’s where her spirit led her. She also asked Jennifer to share her story with the girls. Jen was a bit caught by surprise but she was very brave and I think her story was a great testimony to the girls. Now that they know her story, I think she will have a greater impact on them as she teaches the healing class. A little background information, Jen is also a victim of abuse so she is able to relate to the girls on a more personal level.

I was really touched when I saw Gracie go up to the girls and give them hugs after she had reprimanded them. She told them that she wasn’t doing any of this out of anger, but because she loved them and cared about them. She treats them as she would her own daughters and that’s one of the things that makes this ministry special and different from just your typical government-run orphanage or refuge center.

        The rest of the afternoon I was in the kitchen cooking dinner for Gracie and Heydi’s birthday party. I made Chicken Adobo and a cabbage dish (Filipino food). Jen made the birthday cake. Evelin’s family had dinner with us too. Everyone had a great time and the girls had a blast taking pictures. I think today was a really good reminder of what a family really is and what it means to be part of one. God’s opening doors and working on their hearts. I know there is still a lot of hurt and resentment...I can see it on their faces, but I trust that God will bring healing and restoration. The forces of evil are strong and satan is working really hard, but God’s love is stronger and Christ has already conquered the world!

“Look around at the nations; look and be amazed! For I am doing something in your day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it.” –Habakkuk 1:5

“God’s work done God’s way will never lack God’s supply.”

–Hudson Taylor

Grabbers of the Impossible

June 30, Day 8

It’s the last day of June and I can’t believe I have already been here for a week. This past week has been a good time of just getting acquainted with everything, especially getting to know the girls and slowly establishing a relationship with them. The real work has yet to start though. Actually, I guess it kind of already has. I’ve been busy putting my lesson outline together. Starting Monday, the girls and I will be having classes with Alicia, Karla, and Heydi. I’ve already been teaching them some English, but I never thought I would be teaching a class about sex. I honestly don’t know what to expect from the girls in this class, but it’s my hope and prayer that God works through me to somehow reach them and touch their hearts. I’m a bit unsure about the high school class as well, but I’m just going to lift it up to the Lord and trust that He will lead me. Jennifer just arrived today, so she has a little catching up to do, but I’m excited to get to know her more.

Well, I’m sitting…more like lying down on my bed with a mosquito net above my head while I’m writing all this down. I’m also using a flashlight because the Evelin and Jen are already asleep. That being the case, I don’t want to use up my battery so I’ll cut this short…God IS moving though through the relationships we are building with these girls. I’m having a lot of fun getting to know them and I really hope our relationships with them change something in their hearts.

Quote for today: “Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible.” –C.T. Studd

All things are possible with God. [Mark 10:27] 

Making a Difference, One Life at a Time

June 29, Day 7

We took Ericka and Ivannia to the clinic today to have them weighed. It’s been amazing to see how much they have improved compared to how they were when they first came to the mission. We also did a few errands while we were in town. We ran into Myra along the street as well as two other ladies, Rosa y Lourdes. These are ladies whom Gracie has helped in the past and she’s known them for quite some time. All three of them shared their stories with us of how God has turned their lives around and redeemed them from their suffering. Gracie later on asked us how hearing those stories made us feel. As for me, it just reminded me of how much pain and suffering and oppression there is in the world. We can’t expect to help them all or save them all, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying and from making a difference in someone’s life. For those ladies, it was all worth it. Their lives have been changed and renewed through the love of Christ. And the best part is, God gets all the glory, because it is rightfully His.

     I didn’t really do much the rest of the afternoon. Alicia wanted to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks…she said my cheeks remind her of Theodore. Hahaha! (not the first time I’ve heard something like that). I spent a significant amount of time with Diego, just loving on him and taking care of him. Evelin and I have been trying to make sure that he gets the love and affection and affirmation that he needs. Unlike the other babies, he is kind of like the lost boy because he doesn’t really belong to anyone. His mom abandoned him and she was never really affectionate with him because she resented him a lot. When I watch him as he interacts with the other boys, I can see the sadness and longing for affection in his eyes. I know we’re only going to be here for two months, but I hope and pray that our time here can still make a difference in this little boy’s life and that he does come to know and feel that he is loved.