A Successful Operation

August 13

This is it, time to say goodbye and it was anything but easy. I gave the girls their cards and we took some last minute pictures. Then came the hard part, the goodbye hugs…one by one…it was hard trying to hold back the tears. Alicia went and hid in the family room. I guess she’s worse than I am. I didn’t want to leave without telling her goodbye though, so I quickly ran in to give her a hug, by then she already had tears in her eyes. I had managed to hold back mine to that point, but once we were in the car and I saw my babies waving bye-bye from the gate, that’s when I gave in. I’m not really one to cry, especially in front of other people, but once we drove off, I couldn’t help it.

The first few minutes of the drive I was rather quiet and pensive as I let the reality of us leaving sink in. One of the things Heydi said to me after I hugged her goodbye was “come back.” There’s really no way for me to know for sure if I ever will.

At this point, I’m closing one chapter of my life and starting a new one. I keep thinking about how weird it’s going to be when I get back to Abilene. Everyone else will be heading back to their classrooms, but I guess I’m done with that for now. Next on my list is looking for a job and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know my heart has always been in ministry and if the Lord wills it, then that’s what I hope to be doing in the near future. As far as where I will be, there’s no telling. For the meantime, I’ve decided to start in Abilene and see what the Lord has for me there. If the Lord calls me back to Honduras, then I guess I’ll have to keep working on my Spanish. If He calls me home to the Philippines, I’ll let Him lead the way. But what if He wants me to stay in the states? What then? If you had asked me that question a year ago, I would have straight up said no – I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life in the US. But over this past year, God’s been teaching me that ministry is about putting God and others first. The mission field doesn’t have to be in a foreign country, it’s wherever you are. After all that I have experienced being a missionary kid in a third world country, and especially after my time in Honduras working with victims of violence and abuse, I don’t think I would be ok with simply living a comfortable life. As part of taking up our cross and following Jesus, I believe we are called to step out of that. I’m not saying that we have to live as those who are suffering, but we have to be willing to live among them. So whether or not I stay in the US, the issue is not really where you are, rather its how you choose to live your life. When you give your life to the Lord, that’s a lifetime commitment. Are you going to merely set aside one day a week to serve Him or will you make Him a part of everyday? Are you going to keep your blessings to yourself or are you going to learn to give even when you feel like you don’t have much? Are you going to be a doubting Thomas and believe only what you see or will you trust and still choose to love the unlovable even when you have yet to see the fruit of your seeds?

When I say that I have learned a lot from this internship and that my faith has been challenged in various ways, I’m not kidding. I’ve definitely reflected a lot on how I have been living my life and thinking about how God wants me to live. As I had mentioned before, with the girls that we were ministering to, when all was said and done, what mattered most was how we chose to love them even in times when they were really hard to love. That’s what they heart of Christ is all about.

Before making this trip, I anticipated this experience would compare to getting a heart transplant in the sense that I would learn to love not with my own heart, but with the heart of Christ…and you know what? I think it was a successful operation.

Our Last Full Day

August 12

So it’s our last full day here at the mission. It’s hard to believe, but I imagine leaving tomorrow will be a bittersweet moment. The day started with a pleasant surprise. Evelin wanted to make biscuits! So I helped her with that and we had a very tasty breakfast.

We had our last mentor time with Gracie. Papi has been joining in too these past few days. It was a very blessed moment as we each shared what we have learned and will take from this experience. Gracie and Lee also gave us a lot of encouraging words and told us what they hope this experience had taught us. Toward the end of our mentor time, Mercedes arrived and she too had some words of encouragement for us and she prayed over us. We were very blessed by that. Mercedes is such a wonderful woman with an amazing heart for the Lord. I’ve been so encouraged and blessed to know her and I will miss her a lot.

When mentor time was through, the girls went to have Bible class with Mercedes, Evelin and Miriam went to Talanga to go food shopping, so Jen and I took care of our own stuff. As soon and Evelin and Miriam got back, I volunteered to make spaghetti for lunch. It turned out alright considering it was a “no-meat” sauce.

The girls were busy the rest of the afternoon with preparations for our despidida. It was all going to be a surprise so we had no idea what to expect. So while they were busy with that, we took care of watching the babies. Evelin and I had fun having a little water fight with the boys. Initially, we were just going to clean them up since they were all covered in spaghetti sauce, but considering how much these boys love to play in the water, we couldn’t resist. Throughout the afternoon the interns and I took turns visiting with Gracie and going over our individual assessments. It’s always interesting to hear other people’s perspective of your performance. And it’s also really humbling when they point out the potentials and the strengths that they see in you. I was very encouraged though by what she had to say and she helped me see the different areas where I have grown and things that I still need to work on. Not long after I had my assessment with Gracie, Evelin’s parents arrived; they were joining us for the despidida and so was Mercedes.

The girls did a very good job with decorating and planning the whole thing, and Miriam cooked a very tasty meal for us. We had a good time talking and sharing stories while we ate. Once we had finished eating, Gracie asked each of the girls including Mercedes and the nannies to tell us what they were thankful for. Some of the things they said were along the lines of, “thank you for the things you taught us” and “thank you for your friendship.” Alicia even acknowledged that she was very disrespectful at times and she apologized. She did say though that for the times that she did pay attention, she’s thankful for the things we shared.

Sometimes it’s hard to put feelings into words; other times there’s too much to say. For the girls, they’re still a bit hesitant when it comes to expressing themselves in words, all the more in front of other people, but their actions always speak louder than their words. After they all had their turn, they had a special gift for each of us. Gracie and Papi also had something for us along with our certificates. Finally each of the girls took turns praying over us, which was pretty special. Gracie said that was the first time they had ever done that. Personally, I was very touched. I may not have understood most of what they were saying, but something about their willingness and eagerness even to pray for us one by one was a very meaningful gesture.

We had a good time taking a bunch of pictures after all that. I had also promised the girls that I would have pictures printed for them so we spent quite a bit of time going through 2 months worth of pictures. When all was said and done, it was night night time for everyone else but me. I still had a bunch of cards to write, and by a bunch I mean like 8, but I usually like to take my time when it comes to writing people notes. Each of these girls are special and unique, so I couldn’t simply write the same note for all of them; also because my relationship with each of them is different as well. Each note took some thought, reflection, and prayer. Your know how earlier I was saying that sometimes there’s just too much you want to say but then you can’t really put them into words? Well, this was one of those times. I ended up staying awake till about 2 in the morning. It was worth the time though because I really wanted to encourage the girls with some parting words. Though I did have to write in English, I’m thankful Gracie can translate it for them. I wanted them to have something tangible that could remind them of our friendship, which is also why I got them the bracelets from the valley.

Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for all of us. I’m not good at saying goodbye and I don’t doubt it’s going to be tough on everyone else too. I have a lot of mixed feelings about leaving, but we’ll save that for tomorrow.

The Valley of Angels

August 11

Week #7, done! We’re down to our last 2 days, but today we finally got to go to the Valle de Angeles (Valley of Angels)! We had originally planned to leave at 9:00, but we had to wait till Miriam and Mari arrived and Mari didn’t make it till past 11, so we were a bit behind schedule. Jen got a little restless because she’s been wanting to go to the valley pretty much since she got here. But we eventually made it to the valley at around 1:30 and have an awesome lunch! I got my fried fish! Yey! Head, tail, and all! I was quite satisfied. It doesn’t take much to make me happy, really. Then, it was shopping time!! We spent a whole hour in the first store we went in, mainly because it had so much stuff! By then, we only had about an hour and a half left to look around. I didn’t really buy much, I’m usually content with just looking around, but I finally got my Honduras jersey and I got bracelets for all the girls. We had a lot of fun though both exploring and sharing stories with Gracie and Papi in the car. We had a lot of good laughs.

It was raining pretty hard when we made it back. The streets in Talanga were pretty flooded. The girls and I were like, “hey! It’s just like Abilene!” haha! Everyone was glad to see us when we got back. Evelin and I watched Mary Popins with some of the girls in the family room, but she quickly fell asleep. We ended up not finishing the movie and called it a night. We had a really good time though.

Newborns at Hospital Eskwela

August 10

Today was another full day spent in the city. Moises needed to have the rest of his stitches removed, and we were also going to distribute baby clothes, diapers, blankets and such to the new borns and their mothers at the public hospital. Gracie wanted us to be ready to leave by 6 am (no later than 6:30) which meant getting up at 5, so we started our day pretty early. We made it to the hospital at around 8:30 and took care of Moises’ stitches first. He’s pretty well known by the doctors and nurses there because of his time there during his surgery to remove the tumor. Considering the conditions and limited resources at this hospital, it’s a miracle that he survived and that he has had such a good recovery. He’s our miracle baby.

Once that was all taken care of, we headed up to the ward with our boxes of goodie bags from the mommy’s and their babies. The first room we entered had a mother who had just lost her baby. Gracie asked Evelin to try and talk to her and maybe comfort her and encourage her a bit. After we had distributed the bags to the other mothers in the room, we all prayed for her, then proceeded to the next room. For every room that we entered, Gracie took note of each of the mothers’ names, where they were from and how old they were. It was striking to see how there were quite a few girls who were only about 16 or 17, even a 14 year-old! There were also a number of women who had been abandoned by the baby’s father. The conditions of the ward were also quite sad, and I could say the same for the delivery room and all the restrictions and limitations.

When a woman is in labor, she is suited up for the birthing and placed in a room where there are chairs lined up against the wall and she waits for her turn. I didn’t get to see the actual delivery room, but Jen did and she said that it was a big room with about 7 or 8 tables lined up side by side. Once in the delivery room, no parent, spouse, friend or relative is allowed to accompany the mother. After she has given birth and is placed in the ward, her relatives or friends can only come to see her during visitation hour which is from 2-3 in the afternoon. Until then, these mothers have absolutely nothing for themselves or their new born babies. No clothes, no toiletries, no diapers, no nothing. Some if not all of the mothers had their babies wrapped in sheets that were pulled of their bed. Some of the babies were even covered in their own mess because they didn’t have any diapers. That being their condition, these mothers were very blessed and grateful for the goodie bags. We were also very blessed by that experience. It was heart breaking to see how hard it is for them, but I am very thankful that God provided the means and opportunity to help them.

A Hug Worth More than Words

August 9

It’s Papi appreciation day today! But not till later tonight when Evelin gets back from Teguc. She left early this morning for her visa renewal interview. During our mentor time Gracie asked Jen and I to kind of evaluate and give our observations of the staff and their performance. She was going to meet with them one on one later on in the day to give them a little feedback and some reminders concerning their responsibilities. There’s also a new nanny who has been here since Saturday who is on a trial week to see if she is good for the job. At this point though, based on what we have observed, I think Gracie is going to have to find someone else. Not to be harsh or anything like that, but you kind of have to be picky when it comes to hiring people to work here considering the type of ministry this is.

After lunch, Gracie got a text from Evelin saying that she got her visa! Woohooo! We were all pretty excited about that. Praise the Lord! Two o’clock rolled around and I had quite a bit of cooking to do for the evening, so I decided to get started on that. I like to take my time. So I was in the kitchen pretty much the rest of the afternoon. I made Biko and wrapped it in banana leaves, taco soup, and corn bread, and I thoroughly enjoyed my time alone in the kitchen. We had the comedor set up for all of us to eat together. Evelin was running a little late, so we had to start without her. Alicia stepped up and volunteered to lead the prayer. After our meal, each of the girls had cards for Papi which Gracie translated for him one by one. He was quite surprised, but very touched and blessed. Papi does a  lot of behind the scenes work here at the mission, but he has also been such a good example of a loving father to the kids and the girls, so we just wanted to bless him and let him know how much he is appreciated.

Later that night we had a “pre-departure” moment with Heydi. I entered the patio and saw Jen hugging her because she was crying. She was already thinking about us leaving in a few days and how much she was going to miss us. I gave her a hug, but it was like no other hug that she had given me before. She didn’t want to let me go and she just wanted to be held. So I just held her tight and told her that I would always love her. My heart was breaking; when the time for us to leave comes, it’s going to be really hard to say goodbye. But it was at that moment that I realized that we really have been able to reach these girls’ hearts. We may have wrestled with them from time to time and had moments when we felt like they weren’t getting anything out of the things we try to tell them, but while I was standing there just holding her, I knew that we had touched her heart. It’s not about whether or not they participate in class, or whether or not we see a drastic change in their behavior…when it comes down to it, what matters the most is whether or not we were able to show them that they are worth loving. There’s more that I wish I could have said to her, but in that moment, a hug was worth more than anything I could have said.

Never too old for Disney

August 8

It’s movie night day!! Yey! But of course that’s not till later…Today was actually another food shopping day, so Evelin and Leslie took care of that while Jen and I had the girls write cards and make drawings for papi appreciation day tomorrow. After lunch Jen and I went with Evelin to Talanga to take care of some errands. Unfortunately, in the middle of all of that , I witnessed a dog get run over…not exactly the pritiest sight…poor puppy.

When dinner was over the girls and I decided that we were in the mood for some Disney, so we watched the Lion King AND the Aristocats! Watching Disney movies always brings back childhood memories, but apparently new discoveries too. Evelin finally figured out why Scar from the lion king is named scar. Haha! We thought that was pretty funny. But yes, Disney movies never get old, unless they’re still on VHS…Do they even still make VHS players? Haha!

Last Day at the High School

August 7

It’s Tuesday, and it’s our last day at the high school. Everything prior to that though was a little crazy. I was in charge of making lunch, but since we were going to be gone at noon for the high school class, I had to start cooking a bit early. Not that it was a problem ‘cuz you know how I love being in the kitchen. It was actually fairly peaceful the first hour or so. I had a little time to myself in the kitchen…but then things got a little crazy. One of the nannies had to go take Jen and Evelin’s stool samples to the clinic. Dulce (the other nanny) was bust taking care of Ericka and Ivannia since Claudia was sick and she couldn’t come in. So no one was keeping an eye on the boys. Evelin had them in the kitchen for a while while she prepared the sandwiches for the high schoolers, but they started getting into stuff, so I pretty much sent them out. Let’s face it, the kitchen is no place for 3 toddlers. Evelin could sense that I was a little irritated…she thought it was pretty funny though how I reacted. Yes, we are quite different in many ways, but it’s a good thing we both pretty much know what those differences are. Despite all the craziness though, we actually made it to the school on time, earlier than usual in fact. The class went well; I ended up teaching again since I had already prepared for the assigned chapter last week. Jen was supposed to teach the next chapter but we ran out of time. It was sad having to say goodbye to them, but we gave them our names so they could look us up on facebook and hopefully keep in touch with us that way. We got hugs from some of them as we left, Franklin being one. I’ve seen quite a change in him compared to the first few weeks, and it’s been a joy to see. I really do hope that God continues to work in all of their hearts and that the seeds we have planted will grow and bear fruit in due time. I’m going to miss those kids.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the kiddos. Gracie got back at around 4. She looked well rested and it sounded like she had a good time. We talked to her a little bit after dinner about plans for the rest of the week and what all went on while she was gone…it’s amazing what a few days of rest can do and I’m really glad that she got to take a break.

It rained pretty hard for a good while. My tummy wasn’t feeling too good either. I guess I spoke too soon when I said I was glad that I hadn’t gotten sick. Hopefully this is nothing too bad though. I didn’t want to crawl into bed and throw up all over myself just yet, so I stayed up and had some quiet time till I felt good enough to go to climb into bed. Hopefully I won’t throw up and I’ll feel better in the morning. 

8 Hands Full

August 6

And so begins the 1^st day of our last full week here at the mission site. This day next week, we’ll be all packed and ready to go. I’ll have to admit that I am quite ready to get back, but there’s going to be a lot of mixed emotions when we leave, especially since me and goodbye’s aren’t exactly the best of friends…

We took the boys to the doctor this morning. We didn’t get there though till around 10:30 because it took a while to get a taxi. We also had to wait a while because the doctor was out, so we went ahead and took care of some other stuff to kill time. Once we got back to the clinic the doctor had just arrived so the timing was perfect. We found out that the boys both had an infection and a parasite. Hopefully that’s not what Jen and Evelin have too. I’m really thankful though that I haven’t really had to deal with anything like that since I’ve been here, and hopefully it stays that way.

We got back to the mission site a bit later than we had anticipated. Evelin was supposed to help make lunch, so lunch was a little later than usual too, but it was worth the wait. She was teaching them how to make lasagna, and I’m a sucker for my pasta! Hehe

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the kiddos and what not. After dinner was when all the fun started (a little sarcasm implied). For starters, we had to give the boys their medicine. Diego was a piece of cake. It’s Alejandro who’s a handful, or more like 8 hands full. Guess how many people it takes to give this 1-year old his medicine? How’s 4 for you? And I’m not even kidding. We had one person holding his head, one to hold his arms, one to hold his legs, and one to pinch his nose and actually give him the medicine. He’s a very very strong willed child.

Once the wrestling match was over we got the boys ready for bed. Diego was ready to call it a night. He was falling asleep while I was changing him, so as soon as I laid him down he was pretty much out. Alejandro on the other hand was wide awake and he stayed up the whole time Jen and I were in his room talking to the nannies. We had fun talking to them though. We were joking around about a lot of silly things. Surprisingly, we were actually able to have a sensible conversation…well, sensible in terms of us being able to understand one another. It’s was funny ‘cuz Jen was showing them pictures of her family and they thought her adopted doctor dad was really handsome. They had a pretty funny reaction when she told them that he wasn’t married. Like I said, we talked about a lot of silly stuff, but we had a good time with them. It was a fun way to end the day.

It Ain't Over Till It's Over

August 5

Who would have thought that I could actually sit in one place for nearly the whole day without being interrupted? Well surprisingly, I was able to do just that. After Evelin got picked up by her parents, Jen and I grabbed our stuff and sat at the table out in the patio. We did everything from journaling, to catching up on blog posts, reading our Bibles, reviewing lesson plans…and we sat there…the whole morning and pretty much most of the afternoon too. Of course there were moments of taking care of babies here and there, but overall, things were pretty chill. I got a lot done and always feel a sense of accomplishment when I catch up with my stuff.

Evelin got back earlier than I was expecting, and not long after it was time for dinner. After dinner we had a some fun with the boys. I played tag with Diego and Alejandro, then we sang a bunch of kids’ songs with them.  Everything from Old McDonald to Father Abraham, you name it! The boys seemed to really enjoy it. I guess we were also kind of hoping that it would making them tired and it would be easier to put them to sleep, which was next on our agenda. Evelin went to take Diego to brush his teeth and Alejandro decided that he wanted to brush his too. So we got them all cleaned up and ready for bed. It took a while for us to put Ale and Diego to sleep, but once they feel asleep they were out! Putting them to sleep can be a task at times, but for the most part it’s a pretty sweet moment. There’s something about having a baby fall asleep in your arms or by your side that fills a special place in your heart…but the day wasn’t quite over yet. Some of the kiddos were sick so we had to call Gracie and ask her about taking them to the doctor the next day. It was a rather lengthy conversation, but to conclude, we’re taking Alejandro and Diego to the doctor in the morning. We also had to sterilize some bottles for their stool samples…ok, so maybe you didn’t really need to know that, but I’m just saying; it was another thing we had to take care of before we could call it a night. Not that I’m complaining, but this just goes to show that the day is never over till it’s over. Thankfully though, we eventually got things done and we’re always grateful that God faithfully sees us through each day.

Babies and Barney

August 4

     It’s time marker day! Week #6, checke! Done and counted for. I wasn’t exactly in my best mood this morning though. I had a couple of disturbing dreams last night and I really didn’t feel like doing anything. I guess I didn’t do a very good job at not letting that show. I was rather quiet and pensive…I didn’t blow up at anyone or anything like that, but I kept to myself. I was supposed to have class with the girls at 9, but there was too much going on. Evelin was busy with the payroll and talking the nannies and the psychologist. The girls were finishing up their homework that the psychologist had given them and they were making that their excuse to not have class. I couldn’t really do much without Evelin there to translate and I was already in a bad mood to begin with, so I just called off class altogether. I felt kind of bad for doing that, because again, it’s not about me, it’s about what’s best for the girls, but I felt like I needed to get my stuff together first. I may just try to have the class on Tuesday in the afternoon.

     Today was another one of those days though that I was thankful for babies. I got to hold Christopher and he was in a very silly, playful mood. He made me laugh a lot, which absolutely lit up my mood. It’s hard to keep a straight face when you have something so precious smiling back at you.

     After having lunch, Jen and I chilled a bit in the room while Evelin finalized her shopping list. Today was food shopping day, so Jen and I went with Evelin and Leslie to Talanga. We didn’t have the truck this time since Gracie isn’t back yet, so we just had to take a taxi. We made our usual stops – mercado, dispensa, the bread shop, but we did pretty good on time. When we got back to the house my first instinct was to retreat to the room, which I did. I pulled out the guitar and played a little bit. Not long after though, Evelin had some Barney music playing outside our room, so I decided to join her in her little fun time with the boys. We put our right hand in…and our right hand out…and shook ‘em all about! Haha! Gotta love Barney!

Faith in the Unseen

August 3

      TGIF!! Another week is just about over. It didn’t go by as fast as the previous week did, but we’re getting there. Gracie left this morning for her weekend off in Choluteca. She’ll be gone till either Monday or Tuesday. Either way though, I’m just glad she gets to take a break and get some much needed rest. Solitude time is so so crucial in ministry and without it, it’s so easy to get burned out.

I enjoyed myself in the kitchen today. I got to cook another Filipino dish (giniling) and stir fried veggies, but get this…Asian food without soy sauce! Whaaaaaaat?!! I know right? Haha! We were out, but with a few spices here and there, it turned out pretty good.

     After lunch, I had class with the girls. This was actually only the 3^rd time I have been able to have this class with them (sex and the soul of a woman). The reason for that being, I alternate weeks with Beverly and there was also one weekend when the Alabama team was here, and another weekend that Gracie decided to call off all the classes. That being the case, I decided to take a different approach with the class and tried to make it more personal for them. So I formulated a list of about 8 questions for them to answer. Their responses would then be our focus of discussion for the class tomorrow. For the first half of the class things went pretty smooth because all they were doing was writing down the questions. Things got a little difficult though once they actually had to start answering the questions. They were saying that they either couldn’t understand the questions, or they didn’t have an answer, which for these questions you are bound to have some kind of answer because they are purely subjective. They were also being a bit rude to Evelin while we were trying to explain things to them, so we told them that they could either answer them now, or do it later, but they have to have them done for class tomorrow. At least now they can’t say they didn’t have time to do their homework.

      Jen and I were talking about how neither of us had the motivation to continue with the classes. I know it sounds kind of selfish, because it’s not about us and how we feel about the classes, but then again, I still wonder sometimes if they’re really taking any of this stuff to heart. I know these classes are really difficult for them because they don’t like having to remember the things that happened to them, but for someone who really wants to heal, you would think that they would at least give it a chance. And I’m not saying the girls don’t try, because they sometimes do, but it’s hard to tell whether or not they’re really getting anything out of it. Sometimes I wish I could see what’s going on inside their head. I guess all of these concerns are the human side of me coming out, but my faith tells me that God is still working through all of this whether or not I can see it.

If You're Happy and You Know it, Smile!

August 2

     Today was a typical Thursday except for the fact that I asked Jen if she wouldn’t mind taking care of giving out the tests for the English class while I went over my lesson for the high school class. That took me a good two hours. Yes, I do like to be rather thorough when I prepare for my classes…it pays off though; at least I hope it does. I can’t speak for the students. Sometimes it’s still a challenge finding ways to help them grasp the concepts. A lot of the material is unfamiliar to them because hardly any of them grew up in the church. Plus the intended audience or at least the perspective presented in the book assumes that the readers are already Christians or have at least some background knowledge. Regardless though, I trust that God will work in their hearts. It was kind of sad to think that next week is our last week with them, but I really hope that our time with them has had some impact in their lives. Like everything else we do in ministry, we plant the seeds but God makes them grow.

     We were a bit behind schedule with the class. Evelin wasn’t feeling very well so we were a little slow with getting the lunches ready. Luckily the culture here is pretty flexible with time. The class went well and we even got to fool around with them a bit after class. I’m hoping we can have a little more fun with them next week before we leave. I see so much potential in these kids and I hope we can leave them with a sense of confidence in what God can do in their lives and through them.

     The rest of the day was pretty laid back. We played with the kiddos and spent some time with the girls. I’m always thankful for the joy that the babies bring to this place…gives things a good balance. Even during the hard days, the smiles on their sweet faces give you a reason to be happy.

Day Trip to Teguc

August 1

     Hello August! It’s a new month and today was a really long day in Tegucigalpa. We took Alejandro and Ivannia to the court in the morning. We left Talanga at around 7:45 and made it to court at around 9. The judge wasn’t there when we got there, so we had to wait. That included changing two diapers and feeding Ivannia, which took a good whole hour. She doesn’t like being fed, so feeding her is usually a wrestling match, but we had plenty of time to spare. We waited for the judge for a little over two hours, but she never showed up. So we decided to go for lunch. We went to Deny’s and Antonio, the assistant director of the national police, joined us. He’s practically family to the ministry. We were nearly through with our meal when Alejandro decided to throw up on Evelin and I…definitely wasn’t expecting that! So we got him cleaned up…and cleaned ourselves up too and left.

     Next stop was IHNFA to drop off Karla’s stuff. We were going to take Alejandro to see her, but we were told that we couldn’t until the judge had made a final decision on whether or not he stays with her or the ministry. I was hoping to see her, but then again I guess it was good that we didn’t because it probably would have caused a big commotion.

     After IHNFA, we made a trip to Price Smart to grab a few groceries. Just as we were about to leave, we ran into Helga in the parking lot. Talk about the most random thing ever! But it was a nice surprise. I actually thought it was pretty funny…so that was the last of our errands in Teguc. I rode at the back of Gracie’s truck as we drove out of the city, just until we made it to the Texaco. We stopped in Talanga to pick up a package and Gracie had something to give Rosa, then it was finally home sweet home.

It was a looooong day, but since it was also Wednesday, the girls and I got to unwind and watch our tv shows in the classroom. We usually end up staying up pretty late, but it’s always a good way to end the day.

My Source of Strength

July 31

     Would you look at that…It’s the last day of July! Tomorrow marks another month. Yey for August! As most Tuesday’s are, we start out with English class. I gave the girls another set of vocabulary words. We were supposed to have an exam, but I figured none of them had studied, so I postponed it to Thursday.

When class was over, I took care of a few things before starting on making sandwiches for the high school class. Today was Jen’s turn to teach. She had quite a bit to cover but she did really good with time, especially considering she wasn’t feeling very well.

     Once we got home, I was feeling unusually tired and I guess my introverted side was coming out, so I had to retreat to my room for a little while. It was kind of an unusual day actually. I was feeling pretty low. I don’t know why but I started thinking about a lot of things from my past…mistakes, regrets, insecurities, and I really don’t know what spurred all that but it gave me a pretty heavy heart. I’ve had quite a bit of time to reflect on a lot of things. In some sense though, I think that’s been really good because I’m pretty much entering a new chapter in my life being done with school and all. But I could do without days like this when I’m reminded of my shortcomings. I think I’ve just reached a point where I feel like I don’t have much left in me, and these are moments when Satan can really mess with your head. I was telling Jen that it’s going to be by God’s strength and grace that I get through these last two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything and I have definitely grown a lot from my time here, but I guess two months is a little too much for me at this point. Which reminds me, we also turned in our papers this morning. I basically talked about how the power of Christ in me is what gives me the strength and ability to confront my weaknesses and conquer them. Coincidently, I needed a lot of that today…Thankfully, I belong to a God who sustains me and continues to be my source of strength and comfort.

Special Delivery: Food and Prayers

July 30

     Today was food distribution day. We started out a little rough though. Well at least for me anyway. Heydi came to me asking how we would decide who among the girls would go when. The plan was to make 4 trips, 2 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. We would take one girl with us each time, so Heydi suggested we draw lots. I told her I would only number the papers from 1 to 3 since Melissa would be in class all morning, so it was understood that she would go in the afternoon. Apparently that upset Heydi and she was insisting that I made 4. I tried to explain to her that it didn’t make sense to do that, but she was being stubborn and started saying that she didn’t want to go. Unfortunately, that pretty much set my mood for the rest of the day. I was in a rather irritable mood. It’s interesting though how earlier that morning during our mentor time we were talking about the importance of dealing with our own stuff before dealing with other people. How we feel inside can greatly affect our interaction with other people. I think it was good that I was reminded of those things early on because I was then very careful to not let me mood cause me to say or do anything that I would regret. I had to keep my cool…

     We packed up our backpacks with bags of food and cans of green beans and headed out with Milagro for our first trip. We decided to go to the families that we listed on our first survey trip two weeks ago. The families were very welcoming and grateful for the little we had to give them. We even got front row seats to a live concert! Haha! One of the men at the first house we visited was a missionary who played several instruments in different churches, so Evelin asked him if he could play us a song. He was put on the spot, but was kind enough to do so.

     After each house we visited we asked if the family has any specific prayer request and we prayed for them. We were running short on time though after our first trip, so we decided to save the rest for the afternoon. Once we were through with lunch, we set out for round 2! This time we went and visited the families that Jen and I listed when we were out on our challenge. It was a good reminder of how God showed up that day. Heydi went with us this time. I’m not sure what she thought of all of that, but I hope it had some kind of impact on her. Whether it did or didn’t though, it was still seed.

     On our way to the families that lived quite a ways behind the Catholic Church, we passed by Mercedes’ house, not knowing it was her house until we saw her. She invited us in and we visited with her a little bit. The timing was perfect because it started raining not long after we got there. God was watching out for us, no doubt.

     Once we were through with that trip we figured it was too late to make another one, so we were done for the day. Total, I think we gave out 16 bags of food. I think it was good for the girls to be a part of this. Hopefully it opens their eyes to see how blessed they really are to have what they have here. I know that’s what it does for me.

Call Me Crazy

So you know how Gracie gave us that paper to write to answer the question "What is the power of Christ in you?"...well, she also wanted us to post it on our blogs...so here's it is! :)

“No guilt in life or fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me.” Some of us are pretty familiar with how that song goes, and it’s a beautiful song. The words really do capture the essence of God’s power within us, but to answer the question “What is the power of Christ in me?” I can’t merely quote those lyrics. Though the words hold true to those of us who have accepted Christ, I believe each of us has a unique experience of Christ in our lives. That being said, I’ve had to put some serious thought into this. How then has His power been manifested through my experience of Christ in my life?     

As I reflect on the different challenges I have faced in my life, I begin to realize that those are the very moments when God’s power was most evident. When we come face to face with our weaknesses, the only way out is through trusting in God’s grace and power. If I were to solely depend on my own abilities, there’s no way I would be able to conquer my weaknesses and overcome those challenges. But as human as we are, that’s usually our first instinct. We think we’ve got it all together, and giving up control is usually out of the question. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve failed at something because I tried to do it on my own. For future reference, that’s not a good idea. On the other hand, I can tell you that learning to trust God with your imperfections is one of the best things you could ever do.

So what do my imperfections have to do with the power of Christ in me? Well, if you think about it, if we were all perfect, what would we need Jesus for? That’s the thing. With all my flaws and weaknesses, I am nothing…I can do nothing, but it’s through God’s power in me that I can do things far beyond my own capabilities. Choosing to love and forgive someone regardless of how many times they have hurt me; having the patience to deal with difficult people; transforming feelings of bitterness and resentment to compassion; continuing to give even when I feel like I don’t have much; going the extra mile for a friend that’s in need; being able to take a leap of faith in the midst of uncertainty; walking out into a village in a foreign country to gather information from a number of families without a translator; finding the courage to share my testimony with people I hardly know…Let’s face it, to an average human being, doing any of that seems absolutely ridiculous, crazy even! Human nature would say, “Who in their right mind would still choose to love someone who has hurt them not just once, but again and again?” But you know what? This is the power of Christ in me. So call me crazy if you want, because that’s exactly what I am, crazy…crazy in love with a God who still chooses to love me despite all my imperfections. 

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly more than we can ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us.” -Eph. 3:20

Just As You Are

July 29

Hello Sunday! And what a beautiful morning it was indeed. I woke up to the sound of rain gently falling on the metal roof. That’s one of the most comforting sounds ever! Reminds me a lot of home, especially during the rainy season. Jen and Victoria were still asleep so I went ahead and took my warm shower. When you’ve been taking cold bucket baths for the past 5 weeks, you can imagine how good a warm shower feels. Not that I’m complaining about the bucket baths. I grew up with stuff like that, so it’s no biggie. You do come to realize though how much running water and access to water heaters are things often taken for granted, among many other things. When your lifestyle changes from a very materialistic society to a very simple way of life, you really do learn to appreciate the simplest of things, even things like being able to see myself in the mirror every day. Here at the mission, we interns do not have a mirror in our room, nor are there any in the bathrooms. So unless I were to go into one of the girls’ rooms, I hardly get to see how I look at the beginning of the day or any time of the day for that matter. But you know what? That’s been very liberating for me. I love how I haven’t had to worry about how I look or making sure I meet other people’s approval by the way I dress. I can just be comfortable. Being here at the mission has taught me a lot about what it means to come before the Lord, just as you are. And it’s amazing how something as simple as a mirror, of that lack thereof, can remind you of that.

We had another tasty meal for breakfast. Evelin’s parents are awesome! We’ve been so blessed by their hospitality and warmth. They take such good care of us when we are here, and the same is true for her tia’s and tio’s. They’ve all been so warm and welcoming. And I could say the same about the people at her church. I would say, it’s pretty much the culture, which I love!

Today was a pretty special day of celebration at church. After the service they had 19 baptisms! 19!! It was beautiful seeing people give their life to Jesus one after another. There must have been one heck of a party in Heaven! Haha! The whole church then shared a meal together, which once again was quite satisfying. It was funny though ‘cuz Evelin went up to her dad and said, “Dad, what’s Jennifer going to eat? She can’t eat meat.” And her dad was like, “it’s ok, there’s chicken.” And she says, “but dad, she doesn’t eat meat.” Again he says, “that’s ok, there’s chicken.” “Dad, chicken is meat.” Hahaha! I guess some people have different opinions on what is considered meant and what isn’t. But no worries, there was lots of rice, beans, and tortillas for her to eat.

Once we were all through we headed back to the house and rested for a little bit. Jen and I chilled on the hammocks on their front porch. Evelin’s friends Andrea and her brother came over after a little while and we all went out on a hike. Not too far from Evelin’s house is a river and some waterfalls. So we were climbing up and down rocks. It was a lot of fun and boy did I work up a sweat! It was probably the most physical activity I’ve done since I have been here. And of course, the beauty of this place is still so captivating. That’s something I’ll definitely miss when I go back.

When we got back to the house we rested a little bit, had dinner, and hit the road once more. Bye bye Teguc…and now I am back in my bed. We made it back safely to Talanga and things seemed very calm and peaceful when we arrived.

And so tomorrow, week 6 begins!

In Teguc Once More

July 28

Another week gone by and this one marks week number 5! Gracie reminded us this morning that we only have two weeks left. I actually still have 3, but I might end up leaving the same time Evelin and Jen do.

Evelin went food shopping with Miriam this morning while Jen and I took over the kitchen. It’s funny ‘cuz both of us are kind of OCD, so we’re pretty particular about how we like things done. But you can imagine how that worked to our advantage. We got things done and we hardly made a mess. Fried chicken, rice, beans, cucumber salad and a green bean casserole! We were quite proud of ourselves. Haha! I’m glad the girls were in class while we were cooking, otherwise things would have gotten a little messy.

After Evelin got back, she had class with the girls while Jen and I did our own thing and helped watch over the babies. We get to spend the weekend in Teguc again. Evelin’s parents came to pick us up. Our friend from ACU, Victoria Tyson was with them. They had just picked her up from the airport this morning. She’s been doing her internship with Mission Lazarus in Choluteca. From her stories, it sounds like she had a pretty awesome experience. It was nice seeing a familiar face.

When we got to Evelin’s house we just took it easy and got settled in. Dinner was really good! We had the typical eggs, corn tortillas, cheese, beans, platanos, avocado, but this time there was chicharon! It was a lot like Filipino crispy pata though, but it was soooo good! We also had a really good cake for dessert. Yesterday was Evelin’s parents’ anniversary, so they had the cake to celebrate. I was comfortably full and we really enjoyed talking to her parents.

Once we were through with dinner we were just about ready to call it a night. I’m glad Gracie let us come to Teguc with Evelin again and I’m looking forward to my warm shower in the morning!

Another Day

July 27

Man, this week went by pretty quick. I can’t believe it’s already Friday again. We haven’t been doing that much this week, mostly just resting when we can and recuperating from everything with Karla. The lady, Belkin, and her four children left early this morning. She has family in a town called Yuro (doubt I spelled that right). So we put them on the bus and Gracie gave them some food and money. I’m not sure if we ever really got their story straightened out, we’re not even sure if Belkin is her real name, but like everyone else who leaves the mission, they are in God’s hands.

We’re pretty much back to our regular schedule as far as classes are concerned; though we do still have to be flexible with our schedule. Occasionally we will switch things around depending on what things need to get done. As for today, classes went as planned. Jen taught the healing class this morning and the girls had sign class in the afternoon with Beverly. After lunch, Jen and I took Ivannia and Ericka to get weighed at the clinic while Evelin took Lee to the bank to get come things taken care of.

I got to help make pupusas again for dinner. As always helping in the kitchen is a lot of fun. It helps me kind of unwind too. Some people think its work, but I call it a stress reliever. I got all hot and sweaty from being in the kitchen, so I decided to take a nice cold bath after dinner. After that, I was just about ready to be done for the day. Tomorrow is another day! Time to get some rest…So as the kiddos would say, “Night night!”

Back to Our Routine

July 26

The girls and I were pretty giggly this morning during mentor time with Gracie. She said she felt like she was the mom of teenage girls who just had a slumber party. I guess we were still kind of hyped up from our movie night and fun conversations last night. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

After mentor time, Jen went with Gracie to Talanga while I had English class with the girls. I was amazed at how much easier the girls were to handle with Karla not being there. I guess I had never really noticed that she was usually the one to start all the commotion. The girls were more compliant and well behaved and they didn’t complain about anything. I’m really hopeful that they will be able to start making progress.

When class was through, I went ahead and started on making sandwiches for the high school class. Once they were ready, Evelin and I headed out. Jen stayed behind because she wasn’t feeling too well.

Class with the high schoolers was good. They were still a little rowdy, but that’s nothing new. Haha! Franklin was actually participations today and he didn’t cause any trouble this time. I’ve slowly been seeing little glimpses of improvement each week and I hope he continues to grow.

The rest of the day was pretty laid back. We played with the kiddos here and there. We were going to go out to distribute more food, but Jen still wasn’t feeling well so we decided to postpone that for another day.

Another day gone by, but things have gotten a lot better.

A Change in the Atmosphere

July 25

     It’s amazing how the atmosphere here had drastically changed since Karla is no longer around. The girls and the staff seem to be very relieved and we are already seeing an improvement in their overall demeanor. I spent my morning making paper chains out of construction paper for our activity with the girls later in the afternoon. Jen and Evelin went with Gracie to do the radio show. Jen shared her testimony to a quarter of a million people, but she did very well. As soon as they got back, they had their lunch and it was time to begin our special activity.

     Basically what we did was each of us chained up ourselves with the paper chains. We went around the room beginning with Gracie, and each person shared their testimony. After each testimony, the person would rip off their chains and tear them apart to symbolize freedom from our past. The girls were all very hesitant at first, but Alicia was brave enough to be the first of the girls to share their story. Melissa followed, then Milagro, but she said very little and quickly rushed out of the room. Heydi was the one who had the most difficulty. She was already crying before she could even begin to speak. It was really hard for her, but she did it! We were so proud of her. The mere fact that they were all able to share their stories was a big step for all of them. We interns were not spared from this of course, we too shared our testimonies and that was part of the point of the whole activity. We are all broken people and we’ve all been through some kind of trial in our lives. We wanted the girls to know that they are not alone in their suffering and they can be liberated from their chains.

     After we had all shared our testimonies, Gracie then asked Mercedes to share the story of the prodigal son with the girls. Then we were each given a ring to symbolize that we are daughters of the most high, precious and dearly loved by our Father. I think it really meant a lot to the girls, it was also a good bonding experience for all of us to share.

     Later that afternoon Gracie went to take a mother and her 4 children to go see the doctor. We picked them up at the posta in Talanga yesterday where they had been left by her husband. We’re still trying to figure out her story and what exactly happened but for the meantime; they are staying here for a few nights. When they got back from the doctor Gracie told us that several of them had bronchitis, the mother and one of her daughters were also sick with Malaria. They had not eaten for two days prior to when we picked them up, so if we had not taken them in when we did there’s a good chance that they might not have survived much longer. It was quite the wake up call, but we are glad that God brought them here so that we can minister to them.

     We had dinner with the girls and had a lot of fun joking around at the dinner table. After dinner, Jen, Evelin and I got to unwind by watching a couple of episodes from different shows in the school room. We decided to call it a night by 11:30 (which is probably the latest I’ve been up since I’ve been here….whaaaaaaaat??!! haha!), but we ended up talking for another 30 minutes. [Oh and just a little side note, there was a HUGE cockroach in the room that just about the size of a bar of soap! I’m not even kidding!] Once we got to the room, the talking continued, so it was probably about 12:30 by the time I finally got to sleep.

     Again, I’m just really thankful for the friendship I’ve been able to share with these girls (Jen & Evelin). I’m really glad I get to share this experience with them. I’ve been blessed by them in countless ways and they’ve been such an encouragement to me. Don’t know what I would do without them.

In God's Hands

July 24

     Today was a hard day. Gracie and Evelin took Karla to Teguc to go see the judge. It was hard because I couldn’t really tell her goodbye, at least not without her becoming suspicious of what was going on. Gracie had her convinced that she was just going for a psychiatric appointment, but in reality she wasn’t coming back. The last thing she said to me before they left was, “tell Alejandro you love him”. She had also given me a bracelet yesterday out of nowhere, by then I already knew that she was going to be leaving, so you can just imagine how that didn’t make it any easier for me to see her go. Sometimes you just wish you could reach a person’s heart and see them change in an instant, but life is not that simple. Sometimes you also wish you had the power to rid them of all their pain and suffering, but only God can do that. It was really hard for Gracie and Evelin to leave her behind, from what I heard. I guess I’m glad that I wasn’t there, because I probably would have broken down in tears. She was literally begging them to not leave her there, but she has to face the consequences of her actions.

     My heart is sad and it breaks when I see Alejandro and think about how much she is going to miss him. No doubt, this is the best place for him and Gracie did say she would take him to visit her every now and then, but I imagine being separated will be a lot harder on her than it will be for him. August 1^st is when we will know for sure if he gets to stay with her or if he stays here.

     One thing Gracie pointed out which was rather interesting but not so much of a surprise was that none of the girls or staff were sad or upset that Karla had left. It was as if they were in fact relieved that she was gone. Now that we don’t have to worry about her causing anymore trouble, maybe we can actually start moving forward with the other girls. I’m sad she is gone, but as I said the other day, she is in God’s hands and we just have to trust that He will somehow help her find her way out of the dark. Small seeds of light have been planted in her and I can’t wait to see the day when they bear fruit and her life becomes a testimony of God’s redeeming love…because of the hope we have in Christ, we do not expect the worst, but rather we hope and pray for the best, and exceedingly more.

     As for Alejandro, I’ll do exactly what Karla told me to do…I’ll tell him that I love him…and that she always will.

A comforting thought:

“Because our work is God’s work, and because He is ultimately responsible for the results, He gives us the freedom to leave it, to trust Him with it.”

-Doug Sherman and William Hendricks

A Really Tough Decision

July 23

     So we had a slight change of events this morning. Originally we were all going to be sharing our testimonies for the healing class, but Gracie decided to postpone that to Wednesday. She wasn’t prepared for it and she needed to take care of writing a report for the judge. During out mentor time she told us that she had decided that Karla needs to leave. It was a pretty emotional conversation. It was a really hard decision for Gracie to make because Karla is like a daughter to her. I’ve only known Karla for a month, but I could feel Gracie’s pain. We know that this is the best place for Karla, but she doesn’t seem to want to be here and she’s a threat to everyone else. The staffa are just about ready to quit, the other girls keep getting psychologically abused. Keeping her here just isn’t the best thing for everyone else. She’s had her chances, but Gracie has decided that this is the last straw. She has to go.

      We’re hoping that the judge lets us keep Alejandro. It will be heartbreaking having to separate him from his mother, but this is the best place for him. It’s going to be hard letting her go, but we’re just going to have to surrender her to God. We’ve done what we could and Gracie has tried so hard, but at this point, only God can change her. Personally, I wish we could give her one last chance, but that can’t be done without putting everyone else at risk. Karla really does have a sweet and kind heart deep inside of her and she’s a very strong woman. She’s been through so much, but unless she is willing to change and let God into her life, she’s not going to get very far. Experience might be her only teacher at this point, but I’m still hopeful that God will redeem her and free her from her chains. I don’t want her to have to go, but come tomorrow; she’s in God’s hands.

Sunday in the Capital

July 22

     I slept really well last night and we had an awesome breakfast this morning. Pineapple, watermelon, mango, avocado, beans, eggs, cheese and tortillas; I had more than enough to satisfy my fruit craving. Once we were all dressed and ready, we headed out to Evelin’s church. We sang a lot of familiar songs (in Spanish of course) and Evelin’s uncle gave the message. He talked about how fragile life is and how we should think about how we are really living our lives and if we are making an intentional effort to reach out to our own families. In some ways, being there reminded me a lot of our churches back in Cebu in the sense that relationships are more personal and it’s like a big family gathering.

     After church we went to Evelin’s uncle’s house for lunch. Again, the food was amazing! Her aunt is a really good cook. They were having a leaders’ lifegroup, I guess you could call it. So while her parents were doing that, Evelin took drove us up the mountain to one of the nature parks. Some of her friends came with us too. The mountains were gorgeous! I loved seeing all the trees….nothing like Abilene that’s for sure. Haha!

     After our little hike, we went back to her uncle’s house and hung around for a little while. Next thing I know we were back in the car on the way back to La Ermita. It was a good break, I can’t say it was enough to fully recharge, but it was worthwhile nonetheless. We had a great time and were very blessed and encouraged by Evelin’s friends and family. Gracie was glad to have us back and Diego was back in his mama’s (Evelin) arms. Evelin’s uncle drove us back and got a little tour of the mission before heading back to Teguc. It was a fun weekend, and I’m glad we made it back safe and sound.

Off to Teguc for the Weekend

July 21

     Saturday! And you know what that means…it’s Malaria day (as Jen and I would say)! That’s just our way of reminding ourselves to take our Malaria pills. However, Saturdays are actually my time period markers. I’ve officially been here for a whole month. The Alabama team just left this morning. Gracie took them to the airport and the rest of us just kind of did our own thing.

      After having lunch, I finished up a few blog posts and packed up for the weekend. Jen and I are staying at Evelin’s house in Teguc for the night and heading back to La Ermita Sunday evening. We had dinner at her aunt’s house. Her aunt made an amazing soup with three different kinds of bananas and three different kinds of meat. It was really good. We had a pretty good time visiting with her family, but once we got to her house, it wasn’t long till we were all ready for bed.

     Being with her family at her aunt’s house reminded me of being with my mom’s family in Manila. I felt right at home. It’s weird at times because I feel like I’m at home, but at the same time I’m not…does that make sense? Haha! Well, whether it does or doesn’t, I’m just still really blessed and thankful to be here and that I’m not having to struggle too much with culture shock.

A Very Full Day

July 20

     Wow, in exactly one month I will be on a plane back to Texas. It’s hard to imagine what that’s going to be like, but I’m not going to get ahead of myself. In this type of ministry, it’s extremely important that we focus on the here and the now and take things one at a time as they come, otherwise it’s so easy to get overwhelmed and burnt out. That being said, we took our time with the things we had to do today.

     My day started out at 4 in the morning. I got up to help Evelin and some of the girls make tamales. I got to see the whole process from beginning to end, and that included eating them! Haha! I have photo documentation for evidence. I was lots of fun! Waking up at 4 in the morning wasn’t that bad either. I actually felt well rested.

     Part of the morning was also spent for bagging beans and rice for the food project. We went to a small village in the afternoon to distribute our first batch. Gracie knew of a family with a blind little boy, so she contacted his father and he took us to other needy families around the village including another family that had a little girl with down syndrome. We had a good time talking to the people in the village. The team seemed to enjoy it as well. A lot of families did not have any stable income. We were told that many people in the village have been out of work for quite a while now, so they were very blessed to receive what we had to offer.

     As soon as we finished distributing all the food, we had to rush back home because Gracie got a call from the fiscal saying that they were there at the mission with a one year old baby boy; so just like that, we had another little boy added to the group. Gracie didn’t know very much about his case but all she could tell us was that his father is into drugs and abuses him (as we could tell from the scars and cigarette burns on his body). The mother is no longer in the picture. We weren’t really sure how long we would be keeping him, but Jennifer enjoyed being his mommy for the night.

     After having dinner we gathered in the comodor for a special evening service. Gracie asked pastor Todd to share something with the group and we also had communion together and everyone got prayed over. I got pretty choked up as each of the girls and babies were prayed over as their stories played through my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in their heads. I hope though that God somehow touched their hearts tonight, even if it was just for a brief moment.

The In-Between Times

July 19

     Today Gracie decided to call off classes for the rest of the week except for the high school class. Instead, we spent the day helping the team finish the comodor (dining hall). We did sanding in the morning and painting in the afternoon. It’s been really neat being able to see two new buildings go up during our time here. This ministry is slowly getting bigger and bigger.

     The high school class went well as it has been. We were missing quite a few because of the ongoing school celebration, but we still had a good sized group.

     I learned how to make Pupusas (corn tortillas with cheese topped with a cabbage salad and more cheese) today! They’re soooo good! I’ve really been enjoying helping out in the kitchen. Evelin’s been teaching me a lot of Honduran food stuff and I’ve probably had more beans here within the past few weeks than I have ever had in my whole life! Not that I’m complaining though…the food here is great and I especially enjoy learning how to make it. It’s also a good bonding experience with the cooks and the girls who are assigned to kitchen duty. It’s another one of those in between times that God can still use no matter how simple it may seem.

“Don’t ever let anyone convince you that you have no power…All significant changes in the world start slowly, at a single time and place, with a single action.” –Jones, Haenfler, and Johnson

Big changes start from small things…

Time for a Little Break

July 18

      This morning was a little emotional for all the girls. During the healing class they were being pretty disrespectful to Jen. That kind of upset her because it’s challenging enough for her having to teach the class and talk about her personal experiences with the matter. She got a little overwhelmed and had a break down. Gracie came by and saw that Jen was crying, so she intervened and had a good talk with all of them. I wasn’t exactly there when all of this happened, but from what I heard, it ended well. All the girls were in tears, but mostly because they were touched by what was said I guess.

      I had a little episode with Alicia as well prior to that. When their class had started, she asked me if I could change Ashly’s diaper. I agreed and when I was finished I had to walk back under the rain (more like a little shower). Apparently that upset Alicia, so instead of saying thank you, I got a complaint. Once again, the girls still have a lot to learn about being grateful. That kind of put me in a bad mood. I guess Gracie sensed that we were all a bit drained, so she gave us the rest of the day off. After cooking Adobo for the group for lunch, I helped Evelin make everyone some fried bananas with cabbage and salsa, and then we went to the dispensa to get some snacks. Gracie allowed us to seclude ourselves in the classroom away from everyone to relax and watch a few movies. We ended up watching two. It was 10 o’clock by the time we were ready to head to bed…and by then everyone else was already in bed. It was a good time of unwinding and I’m really really glad the three of us (Jen, Evelin, and I) get along well. I’ve been so blessed to have such great companions and it’s been an honor serving side by side with them. I couldn’t have asked for a better team. God’s been taking good care of us and growing us closer and closer to His heart every day.

Grace and Good Works to Come

July 17

     It’s Tuesday! And that means English class in the morning and the high school class in the afternoon or should I say at noon. The girls had their first English exam. Evelin typically doesn’t translate for this class, so it’s pretty challenging at times to get my point across or to get them to understand certain instructions. Sometimes I get frustrated because they can be very disrespectful at times. Unfortunately, I suppose I have allowed them to take advantage of my kindness once or twice. The other night they were trying to bribe me. They said that if I agreed to give them my permanent marker that I let them borrow, they would willingly take the English exam the next day. Prior to that incident they had been complaining and saying that they did not want to take the test. I got a little upset about that, and it didn’t help that they tried to bribe me. Gracie told us the other night that if they are being ruse or disrespectful, we have the authority to call them out. I can’t help but feel helpless at times though because the language barrier makes it difficult for me to be firm with them even if I wanted to. I don’t think it’s good to have this “good parent – bad parent” thing going on where Evelin has to do all the disciplining and I just let them get away with things. If they’re going to learn, discipline has to be consistent. I’ll admit that because I am such a people pleaser kind type person, I do let myself get trampled on at times. When people ask me for favors, I have a hard time saying no, and people have abused that a lot. Again, this is another one of those occasions where I come face to face with my weaknesses. But feeling sorry for myself and allowing Satan to fill my head with lies won’t get me anywhere. I love these girls, and I try not to take things personally when they do something wrong, but they’re going to have to learn to deal with a little tough love. Discipline doesn’t necessarily have to be harsh, though sometimes it is necessary, but there is such thing as a gentle reprimand. Thankfully though, the class went well. The girls were actually reviewing before we started and they did well. I tried to explain to them that their grades doesn’t matter, what matters is that they are learning. Hopefully I was able to get my point across.

     Later that afternoon Evelin and I went to Talanga with Miriam and Heydi to go food shopping for the rest of the week. Unlike last week with Alicia, Heydi was so much easier to tag along. She was very helpful and she didn’t ask for anything. Evelin offered to buy her something. At first she said, “don’t bother”, but Evelin insisted so she said that she would be happy with anything. She made things a lot easier for us. It’s been a bit challenging teaching the girls how to be thankful for what they have. But I’m hoping that God can use us during our time here to help these girls realize how blessed they really are…that they should count their blessings instead of the things they lack.

I thought it was interesting that the pages for this journal entry began with this quote:

“We know that He gives us every grace, every abundant grace; and though we are so weak of ourselves, this grace is able to carry us through every obstacle and difficulty.” –Elizabeth Ann Seton

…and ended with this one:

“Jesus is preparing us for good works and preparing good works for us. He has an ongoing plan to use us for His kingdom work.”

Told You So

July 16

     So before coming here, Gracie had mentioned that she would challenge us at one point or another by pushing us to step out of our comfort zone a bit. Well, today was that day for me. During our mentor time we talked more about how we can only do as much as we limit ourselves to, then along with that (I forgot how she got the idea) Gracie tasked Jennifer and I to take Peggy (one of the team members from Alabama) out into the village in the afternoon and find at least 3 families for the feeding project without Evelin, meaning we wouldn’t have a translator. That meant we were going to have to just trust that we would be able to do it by God’s power. I was laughing at first but it was more like nervous laughter. I was in shock…I was thinking, “you want us to do what?” I was looking in the mirror seeing nothing but my weaknesses…my limitations. Gracie had more confidence in us than I had for myself. I was having a very “human Veronica” moment. It’s not that I couldn’t trust God, ‘cuz if that were the case I would have just refused right then and there. I just couldn’t help feeling anxious about it. At first I was planning to write down all the possible phrases that I might need to use and then have Evelin translate them so that I could use that when we went out. But then something in my head said “nope! That’s cheating.” Haha! I mean it’s not literally cheating, but it’s missing the point of the whole experience. So that plan went down the drain. Then I told myself, “ok, well I’ll just review some basic pronouns and words” and I was even piecing some phrases in my head. As I was doing that though, I still wondered “Does preparing even just a little bit still mean that I am not trusting God?” So I told myself that I was just going to go with what I had and pray for a miracle!

     I was in a rather skeptical mood as we walked out the gate, which I’m ashamed to admit. I was literally having an argument with myself in my head. “So many times you have seen the Lord’s faithfulness and yet you are still having trouble trusting him?” I was pretty upset with myself. But as we approached the first house, which Gracie recommended we start with, I felt a nudge, like God was saying, “Go for it and let me show you what you can do” (or more like, what I can do through you). We introduced ourselves as “practicantes de Gracie” and the lady at the door welcomed us into her home. Her husband and 3 of her 5 children were with her. By the grace of God we were able to communicate with them and get all the information we needed. We asked if they knew any other families that needed help and their 9-year old daughter gladly took us to another family across the street. The father of the house was home and he had a little trouble understanding at first what exactly it was that we were doing, but after a second try and with the help of the little girl, we had a break through! What was impressive and very encouraging to us was that he told us that he would rather that we help a different family who is more in need than they are. Who does that these days? Not to mention in a country where poverty is very evident. He pointed us to the family next door, a family of 8, both parents unemployed, so we got their information and one of their younger ones, Ruth, led us to another needy family that lived quite a ways down the road. So we then had Ruth and the 9 year old and her little sister from the first family walking with us and guiding us around town. They were God’s little angels. When we finally made it to the house Ruth was leading us to, there was an old couple sitting in front of the house, both in their 80’s. Again, we introduced ourselves as Gracie’s interns and they allowed us to enter. They were probably the most challenging ones to communicate with. We tried to tell them why we were there but they didn’t seem to understand us. All the sudden, the elderly woman started ranting, I could barely understand a single thing she was saying, but from what I gathered, she sounded like she had a lot of resentment about a lot of things. I was starting to feel a little helpless, but once again, God came to the rescue!  A lady who lived next door came in and helped us explain things better to the old couple. Turns out the old lady was blind and a bit senile while the husband was also visually impaired. The more we talked to this lady, the more we found out that she was also in need. She was 34 years old, with 4 children, no job, no support from her husband who is currently stuck in the states. Her youngest daughter was actually born in Maryland. She has a house, but the conditions are not livable, so she has to live with her father. She was very kind and helpful though. She also explained to us that this old couple was very much in need of help. They have been very sickly and have no one to take care of them, so we made sure we got their names and put them on our list.

     By the time we said our goodbye’s we had already been out for an hour, so we decided to make our way home. We stopped by the pulperia to get the girls some drinks. Jen and I pooled our money together to get them 3 cokes but we were short 2 lempiras. I started to pull out my dictionary to look up the word “share” because it looked like we only had enough for two, but then Ruth pulled out 2 lemps from her own pocket and gave it to us…a simple gesture, but it had such a great impact on us. These little girls were anything but greedy.

     After taking them back home, we parted ways and headed back. As we were walking along the road, Ruth caught up with us and said that there was one more family that we could talk to right across the street. So she led us to them and sure enough they were another candidate. A mother of 4, no income, single parent…we put her on our list, said our goodbye’s and continued on home.

     So after that whole experience I felt pretty ridiculous for worrying so much. We set out to find at least 3 families in one hour, but look what happened. We came home with 5 of the 6 families we had talked to. God did exceedingly more than I imagined. He still used me in my weakness. It was a very humbling experience indeed. He completely turned my world around and once again revealed His power and faithfulness. I could just see God looking down at me with a gentle smile saying, “Told you so.” I still have a lot to learn, but I’m so glad I have such a patient and gracious teacher. He’s still teaching me a lot about trust. I admit that I was pretty disappointed with myself, but I do realize that true faith takes practice and it is strengthened as God brings you through one challenge at a time.

     Being here had definitely challenged my faith to various extents, but I’m blessed to have a Heavenly Father who remains faithful even in times when I fall short.

The Simple Things

July 15

     We had a pretty meaningful mentor time with Gracie this morning. We talked about faith and seeing the potential in ourselves that God sees in us. She had us listen to the song “In Christ Alone” and asked us to think about “What the power of Christ in us is”. Then she wants us to write a two page paper on it and eventually post in on our blogs. I thought it was interesting that we ended up talking about all that because I was actually thinking about that yesterday during my quiet time. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I’m going to be doing with the rest of my life. I know that’s not something I can actually figure out at an instant, but as Gracie was telling us this morning, our life kind of goes through stages, but God uses those to bring you to where you are meant to be. I’ve never really been one to have big dreams for myself, I just know that my heart is in ministry. There are several things that I feel strongly about and that I would like to do, but I haven’t quite been drawn toward a certain direction. I do trust though that as opportunities come my way, I’ll eventually find a place where my passion meets His will. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

      Jen and I had all the babies to keep an eye on while the girls were in Sunday class with Mercedes. After that we decided to take the afternoon off and catch up on some needed rest. When you’re around crying babies and girls demanding your attention for a long period of time, sometimes you just need to “withdraw from the crowd” and that really is an essential need in ministry. If you don’t give yourself that time to rest and refuel, it’s so easy to get burned out. So we got lots of rest.

     The 3 "gringos" from Alabama arrived today. They’ll be starting their building project bright and early tomorrow morning. The rest of the evening was pretty mellow. I sat outside with Milagro for a while. She wanted me to teach her how to play the guitar, but she ended up singing to me. She likes music a lot; it’s kind of like her means of escape. Maybe I can find some way to minister to her through that. We’ll see; God works in different ways, so He may decide to use this somehow. Either way, I’m glad He’s been helping me find ways to slowly build relationships with these girls and sometimes it’s through the simplest things.

“The wonder of our Lord is that He is so accessible to us in the common things of our lives; the cup of water…giving thanks. A simple attitude of caring, listening, and lovingly telling the truth.”

-Nancie Carmichael

Being Still

July 14

     Another Saturday gone by…meaning another full week gone by, this being my third. It’s hard to believe that I’ve already been here that long. Our routine was a bit different this morning though. Instead of me teaching class, we had sign language class with Beverly. She taught us expressions of time; it was fun to learn. I’ve been wanting to learn sign language for quite some time now, so I was pretty excited. Beverly’s a great teacher and she has such a loving heart. I was really blessed and encouraged by her for the short time that she was here. She inspired me to maybe try teaching Karen how to write or spell out words. I wonder if she would be open to it, but I’m willing to give it a try. The more I think about the possibilities, the more excited I get. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for the opportunity to do so.

     After lunch I spent some time catching up on blog posts. I managed to finish 5 more today! Yipeee!! In some sense I’m actually glad that I fell behind because now that I am having to catch up, I actually get to reflect on a lot of things that have happened and it’s even encouraging because I get to see the growth in relationships and how God is continually faithful.

     When all of that was taken care of, I went to Gracie’s “tranquility spot” and had some quite time…doing absolutely nothing but sitting still for a whole hour. Once upon a time, that would have driven me nuts! But I’m getting a lot better at slowing down and just learning to be still in the Lord’s presence. I used to get really anxious when I had to sit still like that for a long time, and I still do sometimes, but I’m starting to realize that there’s so much freedom when you learn to cast your burdens unto the Lord; let’s face it, He can certainly handle them way better than I can.

     The rest of the night was pretty low key, but I’m always thankful for each day the Lord so faithfully sees us through.