August 13
This is it, time to say goodbye and it was anything but
easy. I gave the girls their cards and we took some last minute pictures. Then
came the hard part, the goodbye hugs…one by one…it was hard trying to hold back
the tears. Alicia went and hid in the family room. I guess she’s worse than I
am. I didn’t want to leave without telling her goodbye though, so I quickly ran
in to give her a hug, by then she already had tears in her eyes. I had managed
to hold back mine to that point, but once we were in the car and I saw my
babies waving bye-bye from the gate, that’s when I gave in. I’m not really one
to cry, especially in front of other people, but once we drove off, I couldn’t
help it.
The first few minutes of the drive I was rather quiet and
pensive as I let the reality of us leaving sink in. One of the things Heydi
said to me after I hugged her goodbye was “come back.” There’s really no way
for me to know for sure if I ever will.
At this point, I’m closing one chapter of my life and starting
a new one. I keep thinking about how weird it’s going to be when I get back to
Abilene. Everyone else will be heading back to their classrooms, but I guess I’m
done with that for now. Next on my list is looking for a job and trying to figure
out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know my heart has always been
in ministry and if the Lord wills it, then that’s what I hope to be doing in
the near future. As far as where I will be, there’s no telling. For the
meantime, I’ve decided to start in Abilene and see what the Lord has for me
there. If the Lord calls me back to Honduras, then I guess I’ll have to keep
working on my Spanish. If He calls me home to the Philippines, I’ll let Him
lead the way. But what if He wants me to stay in the states? What then? If you
had asked me that question a year ago, I would have straight up said no – I couldn’t
imagine spending the rest of my life in the US. But over this past year, God’s
been teaching me that ministry is about putting God and others first. The
mission field doesn’t have to be in a foreign country, it’s wherever you are.
After all that I have experienced being a missionary kid in a third world
country, and especially after my time in Honduras working with victims of
violence and abuse, I don’t think I would be ok with simply living a
comfortable life. As part of taking up our cross and following Jesus, I believe
we are called to step out of that. I’m not saying that we have to live as those who are suffering, but we have to be willing to
live among them. So whether or not I stay in the US, the issue is not really
where you are, rather its how you choose to live your life. When you give your
life to the Lord, that’s a lifetime commitment. Are you going to merely set
aside one day a week to serve Him or will you make Him a part of everyday? Are
you going to keep your blessings to yourself or are you going to learn to give
even when you feel like you don’t have much? Are you going to be a doubting
Thomas and believe only what you see or will you trust and still choose to love
the unlovable even when you have yet to see the fruit of your seeds?
When I say that I have learned a lot from this internship
and that my faith has been challenged in various ways, I’m not kidding. I’ve
definitely reflected a lot on how I have been living my life and thinking about
how God wants me to live. As I had mentioned before, with the girls that we
were ministering to, when all was said and done, what mattered most was how we
chose to love them even in times when they were really hard to love. That’s
what they heart of Christ is all about.
No comments:
Post a Comment